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Wednesday, December 20, 2017

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

Police in California arrested a "criminal Santa" who had to be rescued from the chimney of a business he allegedly intended to burgle. The Citrus Heights Police Department said officers responded with the Sacramento Metro Fire Department on Wednesday to a business where a man had called 911 from his cellphone while lodged inside the chimney.

Firefighters used "specialized equipment" to hoist the man, Rocklin resident Jesse Berube, 32, out of the chimney. Police said the man had attempted to shimmy down the chimney to gain access to the business, which was closed at the time, but found he was wedged in place and could move neither up nor down.

"Fortunately, Berube was able to move just enough to call for help," police said.

Berube, who was covered in soot but uninjured, was arrested on a burglary charge. The police department said the "criminal Santa does not have the same skills as the real deal."

Why do crooks keep trying this trick? It never works!


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*----- New Yorkers Have a New Ax To Grind -----*

A newly-opened business in New York is aiming to bring popularity to an unusual sport that's popular in Canada -- ax throwing. The Kick Axe ax-throwing range in Brooklyn allows aspiring lumberjacks of all ages to throw 1-1/2-pound axes at targets as if they were oversized darts. "We're really glad Kick Axe is the first in New York and we're going to bring ax throwing to another level," Daniel Velasco, an "axpert" at Kick Axe, said. "It helps everyone get off all their aggression of the week just by chucking axes at a board." Velasco said the sport is not about strength, but about control. "We've got kids as young as 7 coming in here to throw." Ax-throwing packages are available for anyone over the age of 7 and cost $28 per person for a 60 minute experience or $35 for 75 minutes. Because that's what we need; a bunch of New Yorkers trained in throwing axes.


*---------------- That's A Lot Of Pot ----------------*

A marijuana advocacy group in Boston rolled up a 106-foot-long joint after learning there is no official record for the world's longest marijuana cigarette. Beantown Greentown unveiled the joint, which surpassed the group's own goal of 100 feet, at The Harvest Cup exhibition at the DCU Center in Worcester, Mass. The group said the gargantuan marijuana cigarette was created using the group's own pot and was formed with the help of 40 volunteers. Andrew Mutty, co-owner of Beantown Greentown, said the idea came from the lack of an official record for the world's longest joint. "Just all of us one day, sitting around, being inebriated and someone said, 'what is the world record for the longest joint?' And the situation evolved into a little bit of research and looking online and there was a one pound joint we found, but no one did it in a continuous length. So we thought, let's set the bar kind of high and see if anyone else wants to try and break a record." The group said they documented the process in the hopes of getting Guinness World Records to certify their accomplishment. Massachusetts voted to legalize possession and consumption of cannabis last year.

*-------------- READER COMMENTS --------------*

LEWIS; OMG did some wiseguy say to Amanda "If you love the damn chandelier so much why don't you marry it?" This does indeed remind me of the old joke about the near-sighted turtle that fell in love with an army helmet. R.S.
[I wouldn't want to try consummating with either one.]

I wonder if all police departments should require viewing of all Hollywood police programs. One. in particular, "Hawaii Five-O", the old episodes where in one episode I viewed, recently, cops were subject to severe punishment for misbehavior. I hope the dog owner can sue his town.

*----------- END OF READER COMMENTS ----------*

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