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Thursday, November 30, 2017

Greetings Laff Lovers,

Ah, the new age. What a time to be alive! Age old stigmas and prejudices are falling away almost by the week. Pretty soon a person will be truly free to be who and what that person wants to be. For example, take a story I just read about a new policy being adopted by Brown University in Providence, Rhode Island.

Brown University is implementing a change to its graduate school application that will allow applicants to "self-identify" as persons of color.

Now, self-identifying as a person of color is not a new scam, err, idea. You might remember the story of Rachel Dolezal from a couple years ago. Thanks to a perm and a little spray tan, the lily-white Rachel was able to pass as a black woman convincingly enough to eventually become president of the Spokane, Washington chapter of the NAACP. If you're interested in more of my opinion on that story you can click on the link here...

Once you go black, you can't go back.

Back then it was a scandal. Now, Ivy League schools are encouraging students to pick their race. The policy comes as a result of complaints made by graduate students on the Graduate School advisory board that international and Asian American students are not treated as members of historically underrepresented groups by the university.

And once again I have missed the bandwagon. No body gives a flying shit about how a middle-aged man working in the private sector self identifies. If I were a college student today it would be a totally different story. I always thought it would be kind of sexy to be a black woman. That way I could call people 'honey child' without getting looked at weird.

The story gets even weirder from there. Brown University isn't even close to the first school to implement something like this. Other universities allow students to "identify" a certain way in order to qualify for admissions or receive various benefits. The University of California, Davis, awards financial grants to students who identify as LGBT or as an illegal immigrant.

How's that for progressive? In California you can IDENTIFY as an illegal immigrant and the state will write you a check to go to school.

And THAT, right there, is why Trump got elected.



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"The Victoria's Secret Fashion Show aired tonight. Normally, you'd have to watch the Food Network to see that many oily ribs." -Seth Meyers

I was in a pub last Saturday night, and after drinking a few I noticed two very robust-looking women at the bar. They both had pretty strong accents, so I asked, "Hey, are you two ladies from Ireland?"

One of them snapped back, saying, "It's Wales, you idiot!"

I immediately apologized. "I'm sorry," I said, "are you two whales from Ireland?"

"Arby's has acquired Buffalo Wild Wings for $2.4 billion. They didn't mean to, but like a lot of us, Arby's got drunk and bought too many wings." -Conan O'Brien

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 O'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.

The woman, sort of bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man, "Shit! That must be my husband!"

So the guy quickly got out of bed scared and naked, he grabbed his pants and jumped out the window like a crazy man. He smashed himself on the ground, went through a thorn bush, then he stood up and started to run fast to his car.

Just a few minutes later he returned and screams at the woman, "What the hell are you trying to do to me? I'm your husband, you slut!"

The woman yelled back, "Yeah? Why were you running? You son of a bitch!"

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