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Wednesday, November 1, 2017

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

A man who found himself locked overnight inside a Wisconsin store's beer cooler was cited for theft when he helped himself to some beverages.

Police said Jeremy Van Ert, 38, told officers he was shopping at the Kwik Trip store and ended up trapped in the store's cooler when employees locked it for the night at 11:50 p.m.

A Kwik Trip manager said a customer told employees about 5:50 a.m. Wednesday that there appeared to be a man locked in the cooler and he left the store in a hurry when employees opened the door.

The manager said the man had an 18 ounce bottle of Icehouse Beer and three cans of malt beverage Four Loko while locked in the cooler and had knocked over a stack of boxes, destroying three cans of beer.

The man was cited for retail theft for not paying for the beverages when he left the store. Police said Van Ert was arrested on a probation hold from an unrelated case. Police said the conditions of Van Ert's probation banned him from consuming alcohol.


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*-- The Old 'I Thought It Was Trash' Defense --*

A homeowner may face a lawsuit from a woman who hurt her back while she was stealing from his property. 54-year-old Julie Ann Upright of Florida was arrested after being caught stealing decorative blocks from a house in Port Richey. Officers arrested Upright after they found 42 decorative cement blocks worth $420 in her vehicle. The homeowner told officers that Upright stole the blocks that were part of a remodeling project for his home. The blocks were placed in the family's front yard about 4 feet from the road, the owner said. Upright claimed that she thought the blocks were placed close to the sidewalk because they were trash. After she was taken into custody, Upright threatened to sue the homeowner because she injured her back on his property while loading the stolen blocks into her vehicle, police said.


*---- Sex Education Sure Has Cum a Long Way ----*

An elementary school teacher committed "career suicide" after streaming a porn movie on his classroom's whiteboard, according to police in Michigan. Saginaw police said that they were called after the substitute teacher showed kids a video of a naked woman twerking and another clip of a naked man and woman performing sex acts on each other. The incident unfolded during the 6th-grade class. According to the police investigation, the teacher brought his personal computer to class. At some point, the teacher accidentally connected his laptop to the classroom whiteboard. Superintendent Nathaniel McClain said that the teacher was immediately removed from class and will no longer be allowed into the school district. He is currently looking for work as a movie producer in Hollywood.

*-------------- READER COMMENTS --------------*

lewis, maybe this boy wants to be a nascar driver when he grows up i hear dale earnhardt jr. is retiring after this year.

LEWIS; The giant glowing ball seen in northern Siberia recently reminds of when my 1st wife and I saw a huge mass of multi-colored glowing lights in the sky 1 night in the 1970s. A few years later I read that similar sightings were explained to be a huge meteor burning up in the Earth's atmosphere. Still it was indeed a most impressive sighting. -R.S.
[My ex wife WAS a giant ball of glowing gas.]

So, let's see; we have a 10-year-old who stole a car, led police on a high speed chase, and then tried to fight officers when they took him into custody? I think we have a future doctor or lawyer on our hands. More likely an NFL star.

*----------- END OF READER COMMENTS ----------*

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