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Sunday, September 3, 2017

Greetings Laff Lovers,

Clean Laffs Joe was complaining that he needed to buy some new clothes for some event he has coming up.

"I need something that will make me look metrosexual, but not androgynous or effeminate. Wait a minute, is that what retrosexual is? I'm confused by what's hip and trendy now-a-days.

"TZ!" he accosted me, "What do you call a hip, well-dressed, well-groomed guy now-a-days; metrosexual or retrosexual?"

"I don't know," I answered. "I'm not metrosexual or retrosexual. I'm just a poor asshole who works all the time, gets screwed out of his taxes and doesn't have any money left at the end of the month. What's the name for me?"

Joe shrugged his shoulders, "American?"



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If you wife or girlfriend ever asks, 'If I was to arrange a threesome for your birthday, which of my friends would you pick to join in?'

Never give two names.

In the bar the other day I was telling that old joke about what do you do if you see an epileptic having a fit in the bathtub. The answer, of course, being...throw in your wash.

We were all having a good laugh about this when this big bastard tapped me on the shoulder and said, "I don't find that very funny. My brother was an epileptic and he died in the bath during one of his fits."

I said, "I Sorry, buddy. Did he drown?"

"No," he replied, "He choked on a sock."

I went to a nice, local restaurant/bar with my girlfriend last night. But the regulars were shouting "pedophile!" and other terrible names at me, just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50.

It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.

Jack goes to his friend Joe and says, "I'm sleeping with the minister's wife. Can you keep him back in church for an hour after service for me?"

Joe doesn't like it, but being a friend, he agrees.

After the service, Joe starts talking to the minister, asking him all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied.

Finally the minister gets annoyed and asks Joe what he's really up to.

Joe, feeling guilty, finally confesses to the minister. "My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied."

The minister thinks for a minute, smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Joe's shoulder and says, "If I were you I'd hurry home right now. Because my wife died a year ago."

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