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Sunday, August 27, 2017

Greetings Laff Lovers,

The other night I made the mistake of letting my wife have control of the TV remote. Consequently I spent 2 hours staring at Helen Hunt's forehead in the movie What Women Want.

To be perfectly honest it is not a terrible movie, but I have seen it once before, and really, with a movie like that once is enough.

Anyway, after the movie was over my wife turned to me and asked, "Would you want to be able to listen in on women's secret thoughts?"

"Are you kidding?" I told her. "I can barely stand listening to women talk, much less listening to what they think."

After I felt the temperature in the room drop ten or fifteen degrees from my wife's icy stare I quickly added, "Except for you, of course. I'm always interested in what you have to say!"

But it was too late. Ah well, a little bit of honesty in a relationship every now and then is a good thing.



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My wife asked me to rent 'Scent of a Woman' the other day.

She hit me when I ordered 'Fish Called Wanda' from OnDemand.

A woman phoned her neighbor and said: "Close your curtains the next time you and your wife are having sex. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."

To which the man replied: "Well the joke's on all of you, because I wasn't even at home yesterday!"

I was standing at the bar one night, minding my own business, when this drunk fat girl came up behind me, grabbed my ass and said, "You're kind of cute, you gotta a phone number?"

I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?"

She said, "Yeah, I got a pen."

I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."

Cost me 6 stitches.

One day, a wife goes up to her husband and asks for twenty dollars to buy meat.

"Are you crazy?" says the husband, "I already give you too much for food!" So he takes her over to a mirror and pulls out a 20. "Let me show you something. This twenty-dollar bill is mine. The one in the mirror is yours. Get it?"

The wife nods.

The next day, the husband returns home to find a freezer full of meat. Angry, he asks his wife about it. She pulls him over to the mirror and lifts up her skirt.

"See the one in the mirror? That's yours. This one here is the butcher's."

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