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Friday, July 28, 2017

Good morning crew,

This week past the wife has been away from home, house and pet sitting for one of her former veterinary clients. She's coming home tomorrow. That means tonight I'm going to do something I don't normally get to do while she's there.

I'm doing to have a double gyro sandwich on a pita with raw onions, roasted garlic tzatziki sauce and onion rings.

I think I'm going to hate myself in the morning.

In fact, I'm not real proud of myself right now.

Laugh it up,


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"Two ATMs here in New York were shut down for dispensing counterfeit money. People were suspicious after one guy kept asking, 'Hey, can you break a 23?'" -Jimmy Fallon


"A study has found that the most popular type of business in New Jersey is golf equipment stores. Though most customers come in and say, 'I need a blunt object and a bag about as big as a guy.'" -Seth Meyers


"Scientists believe the first modern Europeans mated with Neanderthals. This is the oldest evidence yet of beer goggles." -Conan O'Brien


This Strange English Language

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;
but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
but though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.

*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

My father was completely lost in the kitchen and never ate unless someone prepared a meal for him. When Mother was ill, however, he volunteered to go to the supermarket for her. She sent him off with a carefully numbered list of seven items.

Dad returned shortly, very proud of himself, and proceeded to unpack the grocery bags. He had one bag of sugar, two dozen eggs, three hams, four boxes of detergent, five boxes of crackers, six eggplants, and seven green peppers.

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