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Wednesday, July 19, 2017

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

I was going to tell you a story about a man whose fiancee nagged him into buying a lottery ticket that turned out to be worth $500,000, but then I saw this bit of luck...

A Florida man survived with only minor injuries when a 7,000-pound metal pipe fell from a crashed truck and crushed the roof of his van.

Jesus Armando Escobar, 36, of Orlando, was exiting Interstate 4 when a Mach truck loaded with scrap metal crashed into an overpass guardrail and overturned.

A 7,000 pound metal pipe fell from the truck as it crashed, fell from the overpass, and landed on Escobar's van.

State troopers said the driver's side roof of the van was crushed by the pipe, but Escobar was able to walk away with minor injuries. Officials said anyone sitting in any other seat in the van likely would have been killed.

Theodore Olson of recycling center AATR Orlando said he was shocked to hear the driver had survived.

"I've seen crushed cars before, but nothing in this kind of circumstance, where, like, they were up on upper bridge and it rolled out of a container and crushed a car. I thought it was a fatality, to be honest with you. But they came out and said, 'Nope, he's only got scratches.'"

The truck driver, Antonio Santiago Wharton, 33, was ticketed for careless driving.


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*--- When God Really Wants You To Have a BBQ ---*

A South Florida family is perplexed after recently waking up to a loud thud, only to find that the mysterious sound was several packages of frozen Italian sausage. "It was like thunder, and it awakened me out of a sleep," Travis Adair said. "We got up, found two packages of sausage on our side yard, and then we were like, 'OK, well, we got to go on the roof and check and see if we find more of this stuff,'" Austin Adair said. Sure enough, there were three more packages of Italian pork sausage. A total of 15 pounds of Italian sausage was found in bags marked William Land Service, a land-clearing company in Alabama. The homeowners were baffled about how the sausage ended up on their roof, so their son, Austin Adair, called the company. "I called them and the guy had no idea what I was talking about and probably thought I was crazy," Austin Adair said. He even sent them pictures of the sausage but has yet to hear back. "I would love to know what really happened, because it's just so, so odd," Jennie Adair said. Hopefully the family decides to have a barbecue. It should be cheap because the sausage is on the house.


*--- I See Your Snake and Raise You a Baboon ---*

Last week a snake knocked out power to 4,790 residents in South Carolina after it slithered into the wrong section of a electrical substation. But that is small potatoes compared to the baboon who just blacked out 50,000 customers. ZESCO, Zambia's electricity producer and distributor, said a baboon tampered with high voltage machines at the Livingston station, causing about 50,000 customers to lose power. The company said employees investigating the outage found the baboon suffering from injuries related to the shock it received from the machines. The primate was turned over to the Zambia Wildlife Authority, which said the baboon was being treated in an Intensive Care Unit. "The lines the baboon was tampering with are extremely high voltage," ZESCO spokesman Henry Kapata told local news. "You can see that it was electrocuted in so many ways but it has survived. It is an animal, we cannot prosecute it otherwise if it was a human we would have taken it to court." Kapata said the baboon likely survived the encounter thanks to the animals' heavily insulated palms. He said a human would have probably been killed in the same situation.

*-------------- READER COMMENTS --------------*

hi lewis i read that story about that lady getting peed on.i guess she never heard of that song dont sleep on the subway it was done by a famous
artist who i cant remember her name now. -richard
[I believe you're thinking of 'Don't Wizz On The Electric Fence'.]

LEWIS; These days it is indeed wise to avoid those street hos. The days when a quickie was a mere $20 in the back seat of your car are long gone. Also many of the street hos are actually police decoys and you will be busted, your car may be confiscated and your name may be printed in your local newspaper. If you can't score at the local swinging singles bar without hiring a ho then just stay home and watch pay per view porn. -R.S.
[Thanks for the tip. I guess I should probably change my plans for the weekend.]

*----------- END OF READER COMMENTS ----------*

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