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Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

What do you do when you want to open a sex club, but the conservative, close-knit community you want to open it in objects? Simple; just call it a church.

According to city officials in Nashville, Tennessee, two years ago, the TSC swinger's club bought an old church building and wanted to move the swingers club into it, but neighbors protested as the church building is located next to a Christian school and other churches.

Legislation was passed to keep the sex club out. So the owner then announced that he will use the building as a church that was open to members only.

But oddly enough, people began to notice that the 'church' was busiest late at night on Friday at Saturday. Oh, and only invited members could join the "services" for $40.

So undercover inspectors went to the church and paid the fee. There they witnessed consenting adults having sex with one another while other people watched them in the acts. The city's code inspectors noted in their report that there was sexual activity throughout the building.

Praise the Lord.

The inspectors found that the church has been turned into a swingers club, complete with beds that had foot and hand rests. Some rooms had partial walls allowing for anyone to watch the sex acts.

However, the owners have now received a stop work order as the swingers club is in violation of its permit to operate as a church.


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*-------------- They're Lovin' It --------------*

People who were eating at McDonald's were shocked to see a couple engaging in sex acts in full view of adults and children, according to police in Pennsylvania. The Pennsylvania State Police said that they have arrested 30-year-old Conrad Joseph Jablecki after being accused of having sex with a woman in the dining area of a McDonald's. Jablecki has been charged with one count each of indecent exposure, open lewdness and disorderly conduct. Police are still looking for the female suspect. According to the police investigation, the woman then began performing sex acts on the suspect in full view of employees and customers. An employee kicked them out of the restaurant and called the police. Surprising no one, Jablecki has a criminal history, including charges of public drunkenness and disorderly conduct.


*- There Are Better Things To Do With a Tongue -*

A New York man set a new world record by extinguishing more than 30 matches with his tongue in a minute. Ashrita Furman, who holds more than 200 Guinness World Records, claimed the new title for "most matchsticks extinguished with the tongue in 1 minute." Furman, 61, sat at a table at the Sri Chinmoy Centre in Jamaica and individually lit a total of 37 matches and extinguished them on his tongue to surpass the previous record of 30. He was only permitted to extinguish one match at a time and was prohibited from using his breath to blow them out. Last year, Furman completed a similar feat to add to his lengthy list of records by extinguishing 44 blow torches with his tongue.

*-------------- READER COMMENTS --------------*

Out of all the beer that are out. Belly button beer, beard beer, vagina beer. I'm going to try the pee beer to me that's the closest to looking like beer. -Tony
[Only if you have an infection.]

LEWIS; OFGS PCP?! That was the 1970s-80s drug from hell used by obnoxious deranged fools. I'm surprised to read that garbage is even still used in this era when Meth is the preferred drug of morons. But then this fool Ismael Esquilin is from New Jersey so that may explain his being decades behind the times yet just as stupid as ever. Still by age 48 shouldn't he have outgrown such stupidity? -R.S.
[Mid-life crisis.]

Boy how times have changed. I remember when I was a little kid my dad used to let me steer while we drove around the block on a Sunday afternoon. I'd sit in his lap and he'd have one hand around my waist and the other would be holding a beer. Of course, he was the police chief of our town so, I guess the chances of him getting pulled over were pretty slim.

*----------- END OF READER COMMENTS ----------*

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