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MOUTHPIECE - March 21, 2017

Good Afternoon,

Who doesn't look for a few helpful tips to make life much simpler? I know I do. I really do.

Lately, life could use a bit of simplicity if you asked me, but you probably didn't. So anyway, take these 8 excellent tips to heart and make your life as easy as possible and give yourself a little time for you... or more time to read Mouthpiece.

Could I make this any easier to understand? Somebody please get me an easy button.

Mouthing Off,

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[m] q u o t e s . o f . t h e . d a y

"I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy."
- J. D. Salinger

"Happiness depends upon ourselves."
- Aristotle

"We turn not older with years, but newer every day."
- Emily Dickinson

[m] What's On the Web?

The Great Language Game

Amongst the thousands of languages spoken across the world, here are just eighty. How many can you distinguish between?

Visit: The Great Language Game

19 Movie Hashtags For Protesters Who Want To Make Sense

From People boycott films over the dumbest $h!t, making movie protests laughable at best. Which is a shame, because there's plenty of stuff Hollywood does that is actually worth calling out for being awful.

Visit: 19 Movie Hashtags For Protesters Who Want To Make Sense

[m] b i t s . n . b o b s

*-- Helpful Tips To Make Life Simpler --*

1. Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know.

2. Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb.

3. Lose weight quickly by eating raw pork and rancid tuna. I found that the subsequent food poisoning enabled me to lose 12 pounds in only 2 days.

4. Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally.

5. No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.

6. Apply red nail polish to your nails before clipping them. The red nails will be much easier to spot on your bathroom carpet. (Unless you have a red carpet, in which case a contrasting polish should be selected).

7. If a person is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down their throat and presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.

8. Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whiskey. The following morning you can create the effects of hangover by drinking a thimble full of dish washing liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall.



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