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MOUTHPIECE - November 22, 2016

Good Afternoon,

Well, Thanksgiving is just a few days away. Since that statement is actually accurate I thought it would be in my best interest to make this issue of Mouthpiece 'The 2016 Turkey Day Edition: Time for the Turkey Jerky' issue.

I've packed this edition with great quotes, turkey day sites and a few things proven to change the course of Thanksgiving. All good stuff!

So have a Happy Thanksgiving and save me some stuffing...and Jello-O...and some yaaaaammmssss!

Mouthing Off,

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[m] q u o t e s . o f . t h e . d a y

"As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything."
--George Carlin

"Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform."
--Mark Twain

"She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon."
--Groucho Marx

[m] What's On the Web?

Turkey Run

From No way! You ain't catching me this year! Help the Turkey escape his destiny and avoid becoming dinner. Happy Thanksgiving!

Visit: Turkey Run

Turkey Bowl

From Celebrate the harvest by knocking over turkeys by rolling apples. Position your apple by moving your mouse, click to release. Avoid obstacles, reach your level point goal to advance. The turkeys further away are worth more.

Visit: Turkey Bowl

[m] b i t s . n . b o b s

*-- Things proven to change the course of Thanksgiving --*

1. During the middle of the meal, turn to mom and say, "See mom, I told you they wouldn't notice that the turkey was four months past its expiration date. You were worried for nothing."

2. When everyone goes around to say what they are thankful for, say, "I'm thankful I didn't get caught" and refuse to say anything more.

3. Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender, and take your "shake" back to the table. Announce that it's the new Thanksgiving Weight Loss Shake.

4. Prepare a several hour long speech to give when asked about your thankfulness. If necessary, insist that no one leave or eat until you have finished the speech.

5. Bring a date that only talks about the tragic and abusive conditions known to exist at turkey farms. Request that she bring photos.



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