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Classic Laff-a-Day - June 16, 2010 ------------------------------------------------------------ Greetings Laff Lovers, This morning I felt a sharp little pain inside my nostril. Trying to figure out if it was an ingrown hair or a pimple or what I stuck my head out of my office and asked one of the girls to borrow a makeup mirror. "You're not going to do anything weird with it, are you?" she asked while rummaging in her purse. "Nope," I replied. "Just stick it down my pants." "You're in luck then," she said, "I have a magnifying compact right here." Busted, TZ Not only is this cool, it is exceptional too... 4 in 1 Safety Light List Price: $9.99 DEAL PRICE: $4.99 (50% off) Get two for $7.98 (60% off) Here's a must have for any vehicle to have in any emergency. This compact safety flexible flashlight has 3 LED lights, a 4 LED flashing red light bar and a high-pitched alarm sound, making it perfect for all around use. SO MANY FEATURES... - Three (3) LED Lights - Four (4) LED Flashing Red Light Bar - High Pitched Alarm (easily activated) - Magnetic End (great for attaching it to any metal surface like your car in an Emergency) You'll love the rubber finger-grip and magnetic feet so it can be placed on any metal surface. Measurements are 5 x 2 and uses 3 AAA batteries (not included). Get one for $4.99 or save an additional $2.00 and get two for $7.98 by visiting: "In business news after receiving billions of dollars in government bailout money, the company Chrysler ended up filing for bankruptcy protection today. Chrysler was founded in 1923 by Walter P. Chrysler, but it really took off under his younger brother, Jesus H. Chrysler, who's I guess like some kind of marketing genius." --Jimmy Kimmel I was recovering from surgery when a charity representative phoned asking me to take part in a door-to-door fund-raising effort. "Sorry," I replied, "but I've been incapacitated." Undaunted, the caller kept trying to convince me to change my mind and volunteer. I interrupted and said, "I'm incapacitated. Do you know what that means?" She hesitated. "It means your head was cut off?" "The government does not want us to call it the swine flu. They're calling it the 2009 H1N1 virus. The reason for the change is they want people to know you can still eat all the pork you want without any risk to your health, except diabetes, obesity and heart disease." --Jimmy Kimmel Gone in Sixty Seconds Instant Wrinkle Eraser Normal Price: $29.99 DEAL PRICE: $19.99 (33% off) Get two for $35.98 (40% off) Give us 15 seconds and we will give you 15 years! Gone in Sixty Seconds Instant Wrinkle Eraser is a powerful formula that activates on contact to visibly erase fine lines and deep wrinkles in just seconds! So, why put yourself through the expense and hazards of botulinium injections for short term results? A scientific blend of oxygenating peptides, micro-collagen and firming proteins tightens, firms and reduces puffiness all day long. It's like having a temporary face-lift in a bottle! BENEFITS: - Erase Fine Lines & Wrinkles Instantly - Fill In Crows Feet & Deep Creases - Smooth Bags & Eye Puffiness - Powerful Non-Prescription Formula - No NEEDLES OR PAINFUL INJECTIONS - No FROZEN FACE, 100% natural results - Leaves No Residue - Works On All Skin Types - Rebuilds: Skin Firmness - Use Under Make-Up - No Albumin, No Whitening Effect - Natural Formulation - Dermatologist Approved Get one for $19.99 or save an additional $4.00 and get two for $35.= 98 As a potential juror in an assault-and-battery case, I was sitting in a courtroom, answering questions from both sides. The assistant district attorney asked such questions as: Had I ever been mugged? Did I know the victim or the defendant? The defense attorney took a different approach, however. "I see you are a teacher," he said. "What do you teach?" "English and theater," I responded. "I guess I better watch my grammar," the defense attorney quipped. "No," I shot back. "You better watch your acting." When the laughter in the courtroom died down, I was excused from the case. P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the new Classic Laffaday forum. Check it out here... ************************************************************ YOUR VIDEO SNACK BAR Top Viewed Videos... 1. Health myths workout fat 2. Bozo - The Worlds Most Famous Clown 3. Celebrities: Before and After Make-Up 4. Get ready for some amazing abs 5. I Am Mad As Hell! - from Network 6. Amos N´ Andy - In the IRS Office

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