Subscribe to THE DAILY GROANER
 
Subscribe to DEAL OF THE DAY
 


September 26, 2018

Good Morning Groanies,

Text PushI have to admit a few things. Okay, here it goes...

Sometimes, in a moment of desperation, I use the microwave to dry some of my laundry. Usually socks and underwear. Especially the underwear. Toasty!

I put shoes in my neighbor's mailbox and when he opens it up I yell at him, "Now, it's a shoe-box!" He really wants to move.

Oh, I take a single penny to the bank and ask the teller to break it and when the teller says that it's not possible I say, "That's the last time I listen to him. I knew that penny didn't make any cents."

I feel so much better now. Thanks for listening. Now, I'm off to... probably do some stuff that I'll confess at a later date.

Groaningly yours,
Steve

P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives

Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve

*-- I Lost My Wife --*

The man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"

"Why?" she asks.

"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."

*-- My Dog Can Talk --*

A man and his dog walk into a bar. The man proclaims, "I'll bet you a round of drinks that my dog can talk."

Bartender: "Yeah! Sure...go ahead."

Man: "What covers a house?"

Dog: "Roof!"

Man: "How does sandpaper feel?"

Dog: "Rough!"

Man: "Who was the greatest ball player of all time?"

Dog: "Ruth!"

Man: "Pay up. I told you he could talk."

The bartender, annoyed at this point, throws both of them out the door. Sitting on the sidewalk, the dog looks at the guy and says, "or is the greatest player Mantle?"

*-- Q and A Quickies --*

Q: Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

A: Because he wanted to be on time.


Q: What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

A: No thanks, I'm stuffed.
Everybody loves a surprise! But this surprise will help you save money, CLICK HERE to find out what it is.