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Oct. 28, 2009

WOMAN'S PREDATORY BOSS IS EAGER TO SCORE AGAIN

DEAR ABBY: I attended a business-related function with my
boss and some co-workers. I had way too much to drink and
ended up having sex with my boss. (He offered me a ride to
my car and took advantage of me.) If I had been sober, it
would never have happened.

Since then, my boss continues to pursue me even though I
have made it clear that it was a mistake and something I
truly regret. I have no interest in this man. He is married,
and it sickens me every time I think about it. I am too
ashamed to discuss this with anyone, but my boss won't leave
me alone. Please tell me what I should do.
-- EMBARRASSED IN CHICAGO

DEAR EMBARRASSED: Your boss is acting like a sexual preda-
tor, and has from the beginning. If you haven't been docu-
menting his harassment, begin to do so immediately. And if
anyone has seen him put the moves on you, so much the
better. You should also discuss this with an attorney, and
because you are "embarrassed," make it a woman.


DEAR ABBY: I am regularly invited out to eat by either of two
friends, both of whom are very wealthy. I have noticed that
neither one leaves a 15 percent tip. They usually leave 10 or
12 percent.

I feel uncomfortable when they don't leave a server what I
consider to be the minimum appropriate tip. Would it be OK
for me to add to the tip they are leaving? I don't want to
offend them. Please advise.
-- RED-FACED IN RICHMOND, CALIF.

DEAR RED-FACED: If you can find a way to do it discreetly,
without embarrassing your host, I am sure your generosity
would be appreciated by the server.

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DEAR ABBY: My brother "Eric's" car was destroyed in a natural
disaster four years ago. His insurance company paid for the
loss, but he never replaced the car. For the next two years
he borrowed one from another family member until she finally
put a stop to it. For the last two years Eric has been using
one of mine.

It started out as a temporary loan, but now he acts like I
gave it to him. I still pay for its upkeep and insurance,
because if I didn't, Eric wouldn't. I have offered to sell
it to him for a reasonable price, but every time I mention
it he comes up with an excuse.

I feel used. How do I tell my brother I want my car back
without stepping on anyone's toes? We are a close family,
and I'm afraid he'll hold a grudge if I tell him how I feel.
He and his wife have full-time, well-paying jobs. My husband
and I have two other vehicles, so I don't need the other one
desperately. I just hate seeing it used and abused like this.
Should I feel guilty about wanting my wheels back?
-- USED UP IN THE SOUTH

DEAR USED UP: No, you shouldn't -- and your signature speaks
volumes. Now pick up the phone and call your insurance agent.
It is possible that because you are the legal owner of that
vehicle, you could be responsible for any damage that your
brother might cause while driving it.

You have been a wonderful and generous sister for having
allowed him to use it for as long as he has. Because you're
having trouble finding the words to tell Eric that you want
him to stand on his own two feet and provide his own trans-
portation, ask the relative who loaned him the last one to
let you borrow her script.



To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most
frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-
sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for
$6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box -
447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the
price.)

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write Dear Abby at
T="_new" class="abbylink">www.DearAbby.com
or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.