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Dec. 2, 2009

WOMAN FEARS SHE MAY LOVE NEW FOUND FAMILY TOO MUCH

DEAR ABBY: I am a 30-year-old woman who has recently discov-
ered my biological family. I have a wonderful half-brother
and several other amazing people I can now call family.

The issue I'm struggling with is my profound attraction to
my half-brother. I know it's morally wrong, and I may be
confusing the newfound relationship with him. Your perspec-
tive would be very much appreciated.
-- CONFLICTED IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CONFLICTED: Physical attraction is a reflex -- and not
something we can control. Our BEHAVIOR, on the other hand,
is something we CAN control.

This is a case of wrong time, wrong place. If you had been
a member of the royal family in Egypt 3,000 years ago, you
could have married your half-brother and continued the dy-
nasty. But this is 2009 and the USA, so you're just going
to have to satisfy your physical attraction with someone
less incestuous.


DEAR ABBY: Is it rude to label one's leftover food when
staying with relatives? My husband, daughter and I visit
his family often. When we go out to eat and bring leftovers
back to the house, we usually label them if we want to eat
them later.

It has never seemed out of the ordinary to me. I was raised
that way. My mother always said that if I didn't want some-
thing eaten by one of my siblings, then I should label it.

Recently, my husband's sister (who is 16) asked if she could
eat the rest of some pizza we had bought the night before. I
politely responded that I planned to have it for lunch. She
remarked that she thinks it is funny that we are so protec-
tive of our food. It got me to thinking -- is our behavior
odd?
-- TAKEN ABACK IN WASHINGTON

DEAR TAKEN ABACK: Considering that you come from a family
in which anything in the fridge was considered fair game
among your siblings, it's not odd at all. And when your
sister-in-law said what she did, you should have explained
that to her. Had you done so, she wouldn't have questioned
it.

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DEAR ABBY: My 20-year-old daughter, "Marissa," is self-
centered, lies compulsively and does not consider the con-
sequences of her actions. She has been diagnosed with narc-
issistic personality disorder. We have just learned that she
is now pregnant, and her father and I are not happy about it.

We will eventually be meeting the parents of the child's
father. Is it our responsibility to discuss Marissa's prob-
lems with them? Or should we keep our mouths shut and pretend
we are happy?
-- TRYING TO DECIDE IN WISCONSIN

DEAR TRYING TO DECIDE: Does the young man know about your
daughter's diagnosis and what it means? If not, then HE
should be told and the implications explained to him.

Because your daughter's personality disorder will affect
their son and the grandchild, his parents should also be
informed. Ideally, he is the person who should do it. But
if he doesn't, lay all the cards on the table because the
other grandparents should be prepared.

And no, you do not have to "pretend" to be happy about the
situation. And neither do they.



Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The
Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send
a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or
money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger
Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage
is included in the price.)

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write Dear Abby at
T="_new" class="abbylink">www.DearAbby.com
or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.