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June 4, 2010

WOMAN FEARS BEING WATCHED BY GHOSTS OF HER LOVED ONES

DEAR ABBY: I am in my 40s and have never lost anyone close
to me. Unfortunately, my darling mother-in-law has terminal
cancer. I am now preoccupied that people's spirits are near
us after they die.

Please don't laugh, but it gives me the creeps. I don't want
to think my mother-in-law will watch me making love with my
husband, that my father will watch me in the bathroom, or
that my mother will be critical of my spending more time with
my kids than cleaning the house as she did.

Am I crazy to think I might not have any privacy after my
loved ones die?
-- SPOOKED IN SPOKANE

DEAR SPOOKED: Calm down. The departed sometimes "visit" those
with whom their souls were intertwined, but usually it's to
offer strength, solace and reassurance during difficult
times. If your mother-in-law's spirit visits you while you're
intimate with her son, it will be only to wish you and her
son many more years of closeness and happiness in your mar-
riage.

As to your parents, when they travel to the hereafter, I am
sure they'll have more pleasant things with which to occupy
their time than spying on you. So hold a good thought and
quit worrying.



DEAR ABBY: I have a question regarding gift giving. If you
receive a gift of clothing (with a receipt) from someone
and the garment doesn't fit, is it your responsibility to
exchange it, or should you return it to the gift-giver,
explain that it's the wrong size and ask the person to
return it?

I gave my sister an outfit that didn't fit her. She immedi-
ately gave the gift back and asked me to return it.
-- LORI IN FOUNTAIN VALLEY, CALIF.

DEAR LORI: It is the recipient's responsibility to return
the item. That way she (or he) can be sure the replacement
will be the right size, the right color or the right style.
To give you your gift back and expect you to take responsi-
bility for it was presumptuous.

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DEAR ABBY: A friend of more than 40 years, "Myra," delivered
a letter to my physician outlining her observations of what
she claims were "changes" in me. I was called into my
doctor's office to respond.

Myra has also told me I should see a psychiatrist. I am dis-
appointed that a friend would say these things about me, and
I don't think she should have contacted my doctor without
telling me. I have asked others if they have noticed any
dramatic changes in me and no one else has.

Myra may have my best interests at heart, but I am upset
about this, to say the least. Am I wrong to feel that she
has overstepped her boundaries?
-- PERFECTLY FINE IN OHIO

DEAR PERFECTLY FINE: Your friend must have been extremely
concerned about you to have taken the step she did. And I
wish you had mentioned in your letter WHY she thinks you
should see a psychiatrist. If you have no family nearby with
whom she could discuss her concerns, it's possible that she
did what she did out of love for you, so please try to for-
give her.

P.S. Was what she did out of character for her? If so, con-
sider discussing it with her family -- or physician.



Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two
booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite
Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed
envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris,
IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write Dear Abby at
T="_new" class="abbylink">www.DearAbby.com
or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.