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Oct. 13, 2009
WIFE'S SUSPICIONS ARE RAISED BY HUSBAND'S MANY SECRETS
DEAR ABBY: I have been married nearly a year. My husband and
I were together for five years before that. I am his fourth
wife.
What's bothering me is he gets most of his mail delivered to
his mother's -- things such as his cell phone bill, his pay-
checks, etc. Everything he owns is in storage in another
country. He makes all his phone calls from work and never
receives any at home.
I saw his credit report. He has taken out loans I know
nothing about.
I love my husband with all my heart, but am I right to think
a marriage isn't supposed to be this way? I feel he has two
lives.
-- IN THE DARK IN TENNESSEE
DEAR IN THE DARK: I don't know how many lives your husband
is living, but the answer to your question is no, a marriage
is not supposed to be the way yours is. Your husband's be-
havior is unusually secretive -- and when people are secret-
ive, it is usually because they have something to hide.
There are many red flags in your letter, and because of that
I'm advising you to talk to an attorney and find out how
loans taken out without your knowledge could affect you.
DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend gets weirded out and angry when I
hold my kids from a previous marriage in my lap and want her
to be close to me at the same time. She says it's "gross and
inappropriate."
She acts like I am trying to be sexual with her, but I'm not
-- I'm just trying to have her near me while I'm sitting on
the couch with my children. She says I should only be affec-
tionate with them and her separately.
Am I the one with the problem here, or what?
-- DAD IN LAKEWOOD, WASH.
DEAR DAD: Your girlfriend may feel competitive with your
children, or she may have something in her personal history
that makes it difficult for her to differentiate between
paternal affection and sexual closeness between adults. If
you want concrete answers from her, you need to discuss this
subject more fully with her so she can explain why she feels
the way she does, because it's odd.
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DEAR ABBY: Since my daughter left home several years ago, I
have become extremely anxious on Sundays. In the afternoons
it feels like the walls are closing in on me. I feel so de-
pressed I have to leave the house.
If I go someplace that is open and unconfined, with lots of
people around, I feel fine. When I return to my house in the
early evening and dote on my pets, I get back to feeling nor-
mal.
Abby, some people have said I suffer from "empty nest syn-
drome." Others say it's "cabin fever." Any thoughts on what
I can do about this?
-- PHIL IN PHOENIX
DEAR PHIL: If your daughter left on a Sunday, that may be
the reason you become depressed and anxious on that partic-
ular day of the week. Or because you are less busy and dis-
tracted on Sundays, you become more aware of the fact you
are alone. Whether you're experiencing "empty nest syndrome"
or "cabin fever" is irrelevant. Discuss your feelings of
depression and claustrophobia with a licensed mental health
professional so you can be properly diagnosed and receive
help for your problem.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a
business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money
order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet,
P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is
included in the price.)
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write Dear Abby at
T="_new" class="abbylink">www.DearAbby.com
or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.