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Nov. 10, 2009

WIFE'S MALE FRIEND IS TOO CLOSE FOR HUSBAND'S COMFORT

DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Paula," and I have a friend I'll call
"Mark." I recently learned that before our wedding, Mark
made a pass at Paula. (He was separated from his wife at
the time.) Paula told him she wasn't interested.

I also found out that Paula kissed Mark while we were having
some difficulties during the past couple of years. But when
Mark and his wife worked things out, he told Paula the be-
havior had to end.

When I ask my wife about these things, she's honest and tells
me what happened. I try to keep an open mind and get past it,
but haven't been able to.

It doesn't help that Mark visits Paula at her job several
times a week, and she stays there socializing with him after
she's done working. I'd estimate they spend at least 10 hours
a week together. I don't like to be around them anymore be-
cause they're always touching and poking each other. I actu-
ally counted 22 "touches" once when I was with them for a
couple of hours.

I have told my wife I'm uncomfortable with their relation-
ship, especially because of the past kissing business. She
says I should stop being insecure and that they're just
friends. I feel she is choosing their friendship over our
marriage. Please help me figure out what to do.
-- LEFT OUT IN MAINE

DEAR LEFT OUT: Mark isn't your friend. And to say that Paula
is insensitive to your feelings would be an understatement.
What makes you uncomfortable is their obvious physical
attraction, an example of which is the fact they can't keep
their hands off each other.

Because you can't seem to get through to your wife, enlist
the help of a licensed marriage counselor. Tell Paula you're
making an appointment with a therapist and invite her along.
If she refuses, go without her. What's happening is unfair
to you, and you need an ally.

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DEAR ABBY: I am slightly overweight and want to lose 5 to 10
pounds. I admittedly have little self-control and always eat
whatever is put in front of me.

My problem is my wife continues to stock cookies, ice cream
and other goodies in the house. Even though I have asked her
on many occasions to stop, she refuses to honor my requests.
She says "the kids" shouldn't have to suffer because of my
lack of self-control.

Abby, I'd like our kids to eat better, too. What should I do?
I'd hate to split up over this issue because we have preteens
and everything else is going well.
-- FRUSTRATED IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR FRUSTRATED: The print and television media have, for
some time, been filled with stories about the importance of
children learning healthy eating habits and urging parents
to not only stock the fridge and pantry with healthy snacks,
but also to set a good example. Your wife may have missed all
of this, or she may have some ulterior motive for making sure
you don't lose the weight.

Should this end an otherwise good marriage? No, but please
understand that if you do not draw the line, your children
may also wind up paying the price.



To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most
frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-
sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for
$6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box -
447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the
price.)

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write Dear Abby at
T="_new" class="abbylink">www.DearAbby.com
or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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