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April 21, 2010

WIFE WONDERS HOW TO ADDRESS HUSBAND'S CHOICE OF CLOTHES

DEAR ABBY: I think my husband may be a cross-dresser. Last
night while "Roland" and I were cuddling in bed, I felt his
legs and they were smoother than mine. I asked him why he
keeps shaving his legs and stomach, and then it dawned on
me. Roland has sent me e-mails hinting about dressing up.

One year, he purchased a pair of high heels, saying he
wanted to dress up like a woman. I examined them the other
day and there is evidence that they have been worn more
than once. My lingerie drawer is sometimes a mess, and
sometimes my clothes are a bit out of place. I believe my
husband dresses up while I'm out of town on business trips.

I'd kind of like to see him dressed up, but I'm afraid he
might look sexier than me. Lately Roland has been asking
me if he can join me when I go shopping for clothes. He
does chores around the house (vacuuming, ironing, dishes),
and if he enjoys cross-dressing, I say he can wear any
outfit he wants. How can I tell him I know what he's doing?
-- WISE TO HIM IN FORT WORTH

DEAR WISE TO HIM: The next time the two of you cuddle up
in bed, tell Roland you have been thinking about the e-mail
he sent you regarding dressing up, that it's OK with you,
and you think you might enjoy seeing him that way. It's a
non-threatening way to get the message across.

But please remember that not all men who shave their body
hair are cross-dressers. And if your husband has been doing
the ironing -- and the washing that would naturally precede
it -- your clothes may not have been the way you left them
because he put them away. As to him accompanying you
shopping, plenty of non-cross-dressers shop with their wives
-- and some of them have better taste than the women.

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DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend will not let go of my past. I didn't
level with him about a couple of relationships because I knew
he was a racist. He found out, and now all I get is teasing
and comments almost every day. If he sees a talk show about
a liar, he says, "Oh! There you are!" It's the same if the
subject is a whore.

What he's doing is hurting me. Is this normal behavior? Am
I supposed to ignore him? I have asked him to stop, but he
says he won't until I learn to laugh about it. Any sugges-
tions?
-- EMBARRASSED IN ANAHEIM

DEAR EMBARRASSED: Just this: What's going on is not "normal"
and it's no laughing matter. Tell your boyfriend that the
next time he calls you a whore or a liar, he is history. And
stand by your word, unless you want to spend the rest of your
life with a racist who has a sadistic sense of humor and no
respect for your feelings.


DEAR ABBY: How do I tell a friend of many years that the wig
she wears is not flattering? We're nearly 80, and the wig is
black and falls past her shoulders. Her hair was dark when
she was young, but now the color looks harsh.

She started wearing the wig because it was too much trouble
to go to the hairdresser every week. Something shorter and
lighter in color would look much better.

My friend can be vain about her appearance. How do I en-
lighten her without hurting her feelings?
-- CARING FRIEND IN OHIO

DEAR CARING FRIEND: Here's what I'd do. With the under-
standing that it's affordable, I would suggest to my friend
that "for kicks" the two of us "girls" go out for a makeup
and hair makeover -- and let a professional broach the
subject. If she declined the invitation, I'd keep my mouth
firmly shut. And that's what I'd recommend to you.



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