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Feb. 25, 2010

WIDOWER'S NEW CONFIDANTE IS RESENTED BY DAUGHTER AND SON

DEAR ABBY: My mother recently passed away. She and Dad were
married 52 happy years. Over the years, Mom received a few
Christmas cards from "Linda," my brother's girlfriend 30
years ago.

Dad found Linda's address and let her know about Mom's
passing. Now he says he and Linda have become good friends.
Dad says they're "only friends" and Linda is someone he can
talk to. We are very upset about whatever relationship they
have. My brother and I and our children want to be the ones
to comfort Dad and be comforted by him. It has been only two
months since Mom's death.

He talks to Linda about everything. They have even discussed
the details of Mom's grave marker. Linda says Dad is the
father she never had. (Her father is still living.) I con-
fronted Dad about it, and we had a huge argument. Are we
wrong and insensitive for disapproving of his closeness with
this woman?
-- FALLING APART IN TEXAS

DEAR FALLING APART: Please accept my sympathy for the loss
of your mother. You and your brother and children may want
to be the ones to comfort your father (and be comforted by
him), but what he may feel he needs right now is someone he
can talk to who is not emotionally involved and doesn't need
comforting.

You didn't do anything wrong, but please remember that you
are all grieving right now, and when people are grieving,
their emotions are raw. This situation will work itself out
in time, but until it does, please remember that your father
can talk to whomever he pleases.

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DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married 13 years and
have two children, 7 and 9. About a year ago, my 41-year-old
husband befriended an 11-year-old neighbor girl, "Lacey."
Lacey is charming, friendly and plays with my children.

I like her and her family, but I'm bothered that she and
my husband have a relationship that seems questionable to
me and his friends. Lacey texts him daily, to which he
quickly responds. They have conversations in our driveway,
and they text each other constantly at neighborhood socials
even though they're in the same room.

I have told my husband I am concerned and that it may be an
unhealthy relationship, but he becomes angry and insulted
and says it's an innocent friendship. Others have also
voiced their concerns to him because they see the same things
I do. On the other hand, her parents think the friendship is
innocent.

Abby, am I overreacting? Should I view it as an innocent
friendship, or could there really be a problem?
-- WORRIED WIFE DOWN SOUTH

DEAR WORRIED: I don't think you're overreacting in light of
the fact that other adults are picking up on the "vibes" and
making comments. I find it of concern that Lacey doesn't
have playmates her own age. It appears she has a crush on
your husband, and he finds it flattering and is encouraging
her.

While the conversations in the driveway may be completely
innocent, the idea that they are texting each other makes
me uncomfortable. My advice is to have a frank talk with
Lacey's mother and express your concerns, because while
what's going on may be innocent, it is not appropriate. The
older male figure in her life should be her father.



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