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May 27, 2010

WHERE THERE'S SMOKE, MAN FINDS WIFE WITH OLD FLAME

DEAR ABBY: A few months ago I became suspicious that my wife
of 40 years was having an affair with an old high school
friend. At first I thought I was misreading the signs. Then
I found an unfinished e-mail on our computer making a date
to meet him "at our special place," and I was crushed. I
began gathering information and found it was true and that
it had been going on for some time.

When I confronted her, she denied everything until I told
her about the e-mail and everything else I had found. She
eventually admitted it was true and said she had wanted only
to see if she was still attractive to men because she felt
we were "drifting apart in our lives."

We tried counseling, but when she was able to make only one
appointment due to "job conflicts," I gave up. I don't trust
anything she tells me now, and I don't know which way to
turn.

I stupidly agreed not to discuss this with any of her family
or friends. I hate thinking that everything I thought we
were working for will end up being split down the middle
(if I'm lucky), and I will probably be painted as the one at
fault.
-- DUPED AND TRUSTLESS IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR DUPED AND TRUSTLESS: Because your wife refused coun-
seling does not mean that you shouldn't go, and that's what
I'm urging you to do. You need someone who is not emotionally
involved to help you get your head straight. Once you do,
you will have a better idea of what you want to do and how
to accomplish it. You should also save the evidence, in case
your wife tries in the coming months to lay the blame for
her infidelity on you. You have my sympathy.

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DEAR ABBY: My son was married a short time ago. The reception
was held at my condo member hall. After the reception, the
bride and groom asked me to refrigerate the leftover bottom
layer of the wedding cake. They said they'd pick it up the
next day.

Six days later, the cake was still in my fridge. They made
excuses every day for not picking it up. Finally, I threw it
away.

Now I'm the bad guy, and the bride is demanding an apology.
Abby, the cake was hard and crusty, and I felt six days was
long enough. Was I wrong in dumping the cake?
-- FATHER OF THE GROOM IN FORT WORTH

DEAR FATHER: Let me put it this way -- rather than storing
the cake in the fridge, it should have immediately gone into
the freezer so it could be eaten at a later date. But because
that didn't happen, and the cake was fit only to be used as
a paving stone or a doorstop, the logical thing to do was
throw it away.


DEAR ABBY: I am in my 50s and part of a management team at
work. My first name is Mary. Every time the boss sees me he
starts reciting that nursery rhyme, "Mary, Mary, quite
contrary!" I find it belittling and insulting.

I have expressed my dislike of what he's doing, but he can't
seem to stop. Is this a form of workplace harassment?
-- "QUITE" ANNOYED IN ALABAMA

DEAR ANNOYED: If you have told your boss you find what he's
doing to be unwelcome and he continues anyway, it might
qualify as creating a hostile work environment. It appears
you work for an insensitive clod whose attempts to be clever
are annoying and pathetic rather than witty. You have my
sympathy.



For everything you need to know about wedding planning,
order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized,
self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6
(U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O.
Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included
in the price.)

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write Dear Abby at
T="_new" class="abbylink">www.DearAbby.com
or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.