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Jan. 15, 2009

VEGETARIAN FEELS PICKED ON FOR HER CHOICE OF LIFESTYLE

DEAR ABBY: I am 27 and have been a vegetarian for five
years. I am trying to develop a thick skin when it comes to
people who question or make fun of my choice, but I'm tired
of laughing and letting the comments "roll off" my back.

When my grandfather sits near me at a family event, he will
analyze my plate, look at me in disgust and then tell me,
"Carrots have feelings, too."

When I go to a well-known sandwich shop, I order a basic
and "boring" sandwich, which I really enjoy. The sandwich
makers give me funny looks and ask, "That's all?" or, "You're
spending five bucks on THIS?" followed by laughter or a shake
of their heads. One even asked me if I was crazy!

I am tired of people questioning what I eat or what kind of
sandwich I choose to spend my money on. I don't make com-
ments or question those who eat meat. What is the best re-
sponse to people who are so rude about my choices?
-- HERBIVORE BY CHOICE IN NEW YORK

DEAR HERB: Sorry, there is no one-size-fits-all snappy one-
liner. But take comfort in the fact that a growing number of
people are choosing to avoid meat and poultry not only for
the ethical reasons, but also because they prefer to avoid
the hormones and antibiotics used in the production of these
food products.

When someone comments or questions you, it's important to
consider the source as well as the intent behind the re-
marks. Your grandfather may be trying to be humorous -- or
he may be showing concern because he comes from a generation
that didn't learn there can be benefits from a vegetarian
diet. Because he's getting under your skin, rather than take
the bait, sit next to some other relatives at family events.

As to the employee at the sandwich shop -- the person may be
trying to "sell you up." After all, the more ingredients in
your sandwich, the more expensive it will be. I completely
agree that ridiculing a customer is not only bad manners but
also bad for business -- and the next time it happens, do not
hesitate to complain about it to the manager.

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DEAR ABBY: For the last three years I have been dating a
woman who, 15 years ago, divorced an Army colonel after 20
years of marriage. She loved the prestige of being an
officer's wife.

There always seems to be a reason why she must mention her
ex, no matter what the topic is. I finally told her it seemed
like she missed him. Now, instead of saying his name, she
says, "When we were in Germany, we did this ..." or, "When
we lived in Idaho we used to ..." No matter what I say, she
never fails to find a way to tell a story about life with
her ex.

I am an Army vet and I cannot mention anything about the Army
because if I do, she'll one-up me with yet another war story
about him. And when we are together in public, she never
misses a chance to disclose that we do not live together,
and she always speaks in the singular regarding her plans.

Is her conduct an indication that she's unhappy with me? If
not, what's going on?
-- OVERSHADOWED IN SALEM, ORE.

DEAR OVERSHADOWED: Let's see. First of all, this woman is
surprisingly insensitive to your feelings. Second, when
people feel the need to "one-up" others, it usually stems
from insecurity. Third, when a woman consistently points
out that she and her companion of three years "don't live
together" and speaks in the singular about her plans, it's
a strong indication that she doesn't regard herself as part
of a couple.



For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist
and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a
business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money
order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity
Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage
is included in the price.)

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write Dear Abby at
T="_new" class="abbylink">www.DearAbby.com
or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.