BOX O' DEALS: 3 Mystery Items - READER'S PAY $3.99
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Feb. 5, 2009
TRIP DOWN MEMORY LANE TURNS INTO A BUMPY RIDE
DEAR ABBY: Our oldest daughter is being married soon. When
we pulled out our wedding album to show her our pictures,
my mother-in-law, "Edith," started laughing and said she
hoped our daughter's wedding would be better than ours was.
Then she said our wedding had been "an embarrassment," and
she wished she hadn't invited any of her friends to it!
Abby, her son and I have been married more than 25 years.
This was the first time Edith has ever mentioned my "awful"
wedding. My father-in-law tried to shut her up, but she
went on and on about how she should have stepped in and
"helped."
My husband and I think his mother should apologize, but she
says we are being "too sensitive." My daughter is upset
about it too.
We want Edith to be a part of our daughter's wedding and
festivities, but what kind of role should I allow her to
have? I'm still angry and very, very hurt.
-- MOTHER OF THE BRIDE IN MISSISSIPPI
DEAR MOTHER OF THE BRIDE: Could your mother-in-law have
had one too many when she came out with her insensitive
and rude revelation? Face it, had she truly wanted to
"help," it would have been as simple as her volunteering
to do so.
While an apology should be forthcoming, don't expect one.
In labeling you "too sensitive," Edith was blaming the
person whose face she had slapped for reacting.
While your wish to have her be a part of your daughter's
wedding is laudable, the role I strongly recommend she
play would be a nonspeaking one such as providing "some-
thing old, something new, something borrowed or something
blue." PERIOD.
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WIRELESS HEADPHONES
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DEAR ABBY: My older brother, "Gabe," 51, lives in another
state. He calls me and my other brother often, asking our
advice and opinions on everything -- work, parenting and
his relationships. His current relationship is like all
the others have been. He either picks the wrong person or
he IS the wrong person.
What concerns me is that after torturing my brother and me
for hours at a time, Gabe then calls our 70-year-old mother.
He subjects her to long, circular conversations and never
takes any of our advice.
Despite our requests for him to stop burdening us all,
especially Mom, Gabe persists. Mom is losing sleep, and
she's very upset because Gabe is unhappy and because he
talks to her long into the night. She doesn't want to hurt
his feelings, but she's reached her limit.
Gabe sought professional help a few years ago, when he was
having the same problem with a different woman. After three
years of therapy his therapist -- a priest -- refused to
treat him because it seemed like Gabe wasn't listening.
What can Mom do to get some peace but spare his feelings? I
believe my brother has an emotional disorder, but he refuses
to get help or take medication.
-- OVERWHELMED IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR OVERWHELMED: Gabe may indeed have an emotional problem.
He may also be self-centered and in love with the sound of
his own voice.
You and your brother need to impress upon your mother that
her health must come first. And she needs to impress upon
Gabe that her bedtime is (blank) p.m. and she will not stay
up beyond that time. If necessary, she should unplug her
phone to make sure her sleep isn't interrupted.
As long as Gabe has you, your brother and your mother to
drain to the point of exhaustion, I hope you realize he
won't seek the professional help he needs, so all of you
need to finally draw the line.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning,
order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-
sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order
for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet,
P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is
included in the price.)
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write Dear Abby at
T="_new" class="abbylink">www.DearAbby.com
or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.