.....Give us 15 seconds and we will give you 15 years.....
http://pd.gophercentral.com/u/2251/c/186/a/503
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July 30, 2010
SOLITARY MAN REACHES OUT, BUT NOW IS LONELY IN A CROWD
DEAR ABBY: I'm a gay 44-year-old man with self-esteem prob-
lems. I have never seen myself as worthy of affection, and I
don't consider myself attractive. I have never been in a
relationship, and no one outside of my family has ever said
"I love you" to me.
I have recently tried to come out of my shell. As a result,
the network of people I associate with has tripled -- and I
think that has compounded my problem. Aside from parties
where everyone is invited, I never hear from any of these
people. I have only a couple of good friends, people I can
talk to.
I have leaned on my friends to try to help me with my prob-
lem. But I'm afraid if I keep unloading on them it'll wear
them down, and I don't want to burden them.
I wish I didn't feel so worthless. I know part of my problem
is the fact that I am unemployed and worried about money.
But this is who I have been my whole life. How do I break
the cycle and start feeling good about myself? I'm tired of
being lonely all the time.
-- LONELY IN CHICAGO
DEAR LONELY: One way to stop feeling lonely is to give your-
self less time to feel that way. Because you are unemployed
and have the time, volunteer some of it. Find a nonprofit
that helps homeless gay youth or senior citizens -- or, be-
cause the political scene is heating up, the party of your
choice.
And while you're at it, contact a gay and lesbian center and
ask what kind of counseling services it offers, because your
problems predate your unemployment. There is help available
in your city. Once you understand why you feel "unworthy of
affection" you'll be able to improve your self-esteem. There
are better days ahead.
DEAR ABBY: My office was relocated recently, a bit farther
away from home than the old one. My new commute involves
riding public transportation and then a shared shuttle van.
One of my co-workers, "Phil," rides the same shuttle. He
always waits for me to get off the shuttle so he can walk
with me to the office. He seems nice enough and well-meaning,
but my mornings are my time to prepare myself for the day.
He also occasionally touches my arm, which makes me uncom-
fortable. He also talks about personal things I would rather
not hear about.
I would prefer to walk without him, but there is no other
way to get to the office. I have debated being 10 minutes
late to work each day, but then I would need to stay 10 min-
utes later and it would be much harder for me to catch the
later shuttle.
What do I do? Tell Phil I don't want to walk with him? Walk
faster? Go in later?
-- UNCOMFORTABLE IN SOUTH SAN FRANCISCO
DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: Tell Phil that as you walk to the office
you meditate -- that it helps "center" you in preparing for
the workday. Explain that when he talks to you or touches you
it's distracting, so you would prefer that he go on ahead.
It's the truth, and he should accommodate you.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist
and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a
business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money
order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet,
P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is in-
cluded in the price.)
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box
69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.