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Jan. 12, 2009
SISTERS' WEDDING PACT DOESN'T STAND UP TO THE TEST OF TIME
DEAR ABBY: When we were younger, my sister, "Patti," and I
made a pact to be each other's maid of honor. It was Patti's
suggestion, and we both thought I would soon marry my then-
boyfriend. It didn't happen.
A few years later, when Patti became engaged, she asked a
friend with whom she had recently reconnected to be her maid
of honor. She never addressed the issue with me or offered
any explanation. I was crushed, but kept mum. In the years
that followed, my sister told me she regretted her decision
and has apologized, which helped soothe my feelings.
Last week I became engaged. I want Patti in my wedding, but
as a bridesmaid. My best friend, "Meg," has always been there
for me in ways I never knew a friend could. I was her maid
of honor three years ago, and cherished the experience as
one that signified the meaning of our friendship.
I feel torn because of the promise I made to my sister, even
though she didn't honor her promise to me. I don't want to
hurt Patti, and I also don't want to seem retaliatory. Can
you offer me any guidance?
-- MUDDLED MAIDEN IN TEXAS
DEAR MUDDLED MAIDEN: Yes. Patti's mistake was in not TALKING
to you about the fact that she had changed her mind about
having you as her maid of honor. My advice is to warmly in-
vite your sister to join your wedding party as a bridesmaid,
and explain why you have decided to ask your friend Meg to
be maid of honor. You may find that Patti no longer expects
you to keep that long ago promise, particularly in light of
the fact that when she chose her bridal attendants she had a
case of temporary amnesia.
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DEAR ABBY: Many people in the world appear indifferent to
human suffering and the serious problems our planet is
facing.
I am appalled when I see TV shows about food contests in
which mounds of food are piled in front of each contender,
who then wolfs down enough to feed five or six people.
Evidently the audience enjoys the spectacle. They cheer and
applaud the winner as if he was a hero. Do they never think
about the millions of people who are starving? I would
appreciate your comments.
-- PRAGMATIST IN N.Y.
DEAR PRAGMATIST: No, I doubt they consider that while they
are stuffing themselves, others are literally starving,
nor have I heard that the sponsors have donated a portion
of the proceeds to feed the hungry.
This Thanksgiving my local paper featured a color photo on
the front page of a family celebrating at the beach, pulling
a large turkey out of a fryer. Below the fold was another
one, this of a woman in Sudan, sitting by a roadside, obvi-
ously undernourished, trying to sell her only goat so she
could provide for herself and her family.
Closer to home, food banks are struggling and American chil-
dren depend on school nutrition programs for survival, while
audiences view eating contests as entertainment. And that's
more obscene than any X-rated movie will ever be, in my
opinion.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most
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T="_new" class="abbylink">www.DearAbby.com
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