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April 29, 2010

SISTER FEARS INHERITANCE MAY DOOM DRUG-ADDICTED BROTHER

DEAR ABBY: My brother is a lifelong drug addict who has spent
the last two decades in and out of jail. He rarely works and
has no permanent residence, finding shelter instead with
various friends, girlfriends and sometimes sleeping in his
broken-down vehicle. When he calls me, it's always with some
creative story and a request to send him money. The money I
have sent over the years has gone to pay for his new drug
fix, not to resolve whatever problem his sob story was about.

Recently, our grandmother died and she left each of us some
money. As her executor, I am responsible for making sure my
brother gets his share. While I want him to benefit from this
modest inheritance, I'm afraid he will use it to buy drugs --
possibly enough drugs to harm himself, if unintentionally.
Obviously, this is not what our grandmother would have
wanted. How can I make sure this money goes to help, and not
further enable, my drug-addicted sibling?
-- CONFLICTED SIS IN MARYLAND

DEAR CONFLICTED: Consult an attorney, preferably one who has
experience with wills and trusts, and see if some arrangement
can be made that ensures your brother has a roof over his
head and won't starve. It may be possible that something can
be worked out so his necessities would be paid for him,
without his actually getting his hands on the money.



DEAR ABBY: I have been left confused and bitter over the
loss of my best friend, "Sally." I expected to go to her
children's weddings and be there for the birth of her
grandchildren.

Sally had an affair, which I knew about. When her husband,
"John," found out, he called me asking why I didn't tell
him. After that horrible phone call, during which I lied to
protect Sally, I never heard from them again.

Had I known this would happen I would have told John the
truth. Instead of leaving her husband, Sally gave up her
friendship with me. What did I do wrong? Should I be punished
for listening to her? What would you advise your readers to
do when someone starts telling them about an affair they're
having?
-- THROWN UNDER THE BUS, BELLEVUE, WASH.

DEAR UNDER THE BUS: What you did "wrong" was allow yourself
to be dragged into that mess as a co-conspirator. Silence
implies agreement. Once John realized you knew all about her
affair and lied, you became as guilty in his eyes as Sally
and her lover. My advice to readers about what to do when
someone starts telling them about an affair? Stay out of the
line of fire by telling the person you don't want to hear it.

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DEAR ABBY: Like many parents, my husband and I would like
our three children to read more. And they, like many
children, would prefer to watch more television. We arrived
at a compromise, and I would like to share it with your
readers.

Many television shows are also available with closed caption-
ing. For those who don't know what closed captioning is -- it
is a service available on most TVs that shows what is being
broadcast via audio. We mute the television and have the
children read the words instead of listening. It works great!
Their reading skills have soared, and I have noticed they are
now reading more books than they used to. In addition, I
really enjoy the quiet time while we're watching the TV.

Please pass this strategy on. Some of our friends are also
doing it and feel it has helped their children, too.
-- PROUD PARENTS

DEAR PROUD PARENTS: I'm pleased to spread the word. Closed
captioning, which was originally intended for use by people
with hearing disabilities, can also be very helpful for
individuals who are learning English as a second language.



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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
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