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June 10, 2010

PISTOL-PACKING PARISHIONER CAUSES UNEASE IN THE FLOCK

DEAR ABBY: My parents told me that a member of their congre-
gation carries a licensed gun when he's in church. He is not
a law enforcement officer or a private security guard, but
keeps the gun on him "for protection." When I asked what the
pastor has to say about this, I was told, "He doesn't know or
can't do anything about it."

I suggested that Mom and Dad speak to the congregation board
of directors because they are legally and financially respon-
sible for the church. They refused even though they are not
happy about this gun issue.

My parents have a long history of complaining about things
but doing nothing to resolve them. I feel that if someone
needs to carry a gun at all times, I don't want to be in his
presence. If he's the target of an assassination, the killer
might shoot the wrong person. I will not set foot in the
church as long as that man is there.

I'm not sure what bothers me more -- that this man is packing
heat or that my parents have valid concerns and won't speak
out. What do you think?
-- GUN-SHY IN N.Y.C.

DEAR GUN-SHY: If the man has a license to carry the gun,
then he is breaking no laws. You are certainly within your
rights to refrain from being in his presence. If your parents
were really concerned about their safety, they would either
talk to the pastor or go somewhere else to worship. Because
they have done neither, I think you should let it go.

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DEAR ABBY: I am the oldest of three. Our mother was verbally
and physically abusive while we were growing up. I now sus-
pect she suffered from bipolar disorder, but back then no
one had any idea what it was or how to treat it.

Her behavior drove our father away, leaving her to manage
finances on her own. She made a miserable mess of it and, at
70, is still working so she can support herself. She wants
to retire, but has almost nothing in savings. Because of the
way she treated us, none of us wants much to do with her,
and we are in no position to support her after she retires.

The problem, Abby, is that she has started laying an enormous
guilt trip on my 22-year-old daughter and wants her to take
her in. I caught wind of it and stepped in. There is no way
my daughter should be burdened caring for her grandmother for
the next 20 years. I feel bad that she has nowhere to go,
but I feel she's reaping what she has sown. Am I wrong?
-- GUILT TRIPPIN' IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR GUILT TRIPPIN': No. But has your mother ever been diag-
nosed as bipolar? Is she on medications now that help her to
control her behavior? If the answer is yes and she has tried
to make amends, then perhaps you should try to be more for-
giving and forthcoming. If the answer is no, then taking her
in would be a disaster.


DEAR ABBY: My husband thinks it's hilarious to sneak up and
scare the daylights out of me. I have told him repeatedly
that I don't think it's funny and it triggers anxiety
attacks, but he won't listen. I enjoy his playful person-
ality, but the startling has to stop. Any suggestions?
-- NOT LAUGHING IN GREENVILLE, N.C.

DEAR NOT LAUGHING: Just this: What he's doing is immature and
sadistic. Humor at the expense of others isn't "playful" --
it is hostile. Because it is causing anxiety attacks, consult
your doctor and let the doctor explain to your husband the
reason that what he's doing is a bad idea.



Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The
Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send
a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or
money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger
Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447.
(Postage is included in the price.)

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write Dear Abby at
T="_new" class="abbylink">www.DearAbby.com
or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.