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March 4, 2010
OPENING DOORS FOR WOMEN CAN OPEN A CAN OF WORMS
DEAR ABBY: I sympathize with "Stumped for an Answer" (Dec.-
22), the man who was speechless when a woman objected to
his opening the door for her. Haven't we all experienced
"moments after," wishing we'd found the right words at the
right time?
My son -- a high school sophomore -- had a timely response
in a similar circumstance. We had stopped at a grocery
store for a couple of items and were walking toward the
exit. Just ahead was a woman carrying three large bags. My
son stepped up to open the door for her, and in a strident
voice she said, "Listen, Sonny, I can handle the door my-
self!"
My boy answered with a polite smile and a pleasant tone of
voice: "I'm sorry. I'll excuse your rudeness if you'll
forgive my courtesy."
-- PROUD MOM IN RUIDOSO, N.M.
DEAR PROUD MOM: At times these days it can seem that manners
are an endangered species. My office was flooded with mail
from readers eager to "politely" share their thoughts.
Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I am tired of people not using good manners or
even recognizing what good manners are. Personally, it
makes my day when someone holds the door for me. I usually
offer thanks and a smile. (By the way, "please" and "thank
you" also seem sadly lacking these days.)
I feel sorry for that unappreciative woman because she must
lead a bitter life. Please let the guy know there are others
out there who appreciate good manners and please don't let
one rotten apple spoil the barrel.
-- TIRED OF THE MANNERLESS
DEAR ABBY: Here's what he should have said: "I was taught
that it is respectful to open a door for a lady. I apologize
for having misjudged you."
-- ANOTHER LADY IN SEDONA, ARIZ.
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DEAR ABBY: My guess is the woman was having a bad day and
the man was a convenient target. I also prefer that doors
not be held open for me. I have fibromyalgia, which is
usually only apparent if I have my cane. I usually open
doors by leaning my back into them. That's what works best
for me. People's attempts to "help" me have caused me to
fall or the door to slam back on me.
I understand most folks are trying to be kind, but because
some of them are clueless, my suggestion is to first ASK
someone if you can hold the door for her or him. If the
answer is no, please respect it.
-- NOT UNGRATEFUL IN COLORADO
DEAR ABBY: I am an independent woman and I don't like men
to open doors for me. It makes me feel inferior. When I
run across a guy who insists on doing it, I allow him to.
But then I rush to open the next one for him. Usually I get
a chuckle when he reluctantly goes through.
-- DO-IT-MYSELF, FOSTORIA, OHIO
DEAR ABBY: My reply would have been, "Common courtesy knows
no gender."
-- RON IN WASHINGTON, D.C.
DEAR ABBY: To a woman who once yelled at him for opening a
door for her, my husband responded: "It's not because you're
a woman. It's because of your AGE." It left her speechless.
-- GRETCHEN IN FAIRBANKS
DEAR ABBY: Another possible reason a woman might not want to
have a door opened for her: As a short-statured person, I
find it an invasion of my space when a tall man reaches up
and over me to hold a door, so I must scoot under his arm.
-- ANOTHER VIEWPOINT IN CONNECTICUT
DEAR ABBY: When it happened to me, I smiled at the woman and
said: "I didn't open the door for you because you're a lady.
I opened it for you because I'm a gentleman." It got my point
across.
-- DON IN ALAMEDA, CALIF.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The
Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send
a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or
money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger
Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage
is included in the price.)
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write Dear Abby at
T="_new" class="abbylink">www.DearAbby.com
or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.