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Feb. 16, 2010

OBESITY IS MORE A PROBLEM OF QUALITY THAN QUANTITY

DEAR ABBY: I am appalled and saddened when I go out to a
restaurant and see the number of adults who force their
children to eat. There are so many overweight people in the
United States, why try to make a child finish a meal? They
will eat when they are hungry; just don't give them anything
between meals.

It hurts me to see parents say, "We can't leave until you
clean your plate" -- like they are bad children for not
eating. Please tell me if I'm off base on this issue.
-- MILWAUKEE GRANDMA

DEAR GRANDMA: Perhaps you shouldn't judge so quickly. The
problem of obesity in this country has less to do with
parents force-feeding their children than with children and
adults who are consuming fattening foods in excessive
portions and not burning off the calories. It may be that the
children you are seeing want to consume only sweet, sugary
foods -- and the parents are simply trying to get them to eat
a balanced meal.


DEAR ABBY: A member of our family is very difficult to get
along with and has a low boiling point. We never know what
is going to trigger the anger, nor how long it will last.
This person also likes to play the victim. Everything gets
blown out of proportion and 99 percent of the time is un-
merited. To us, this behavior is rude, mean and cruel. Some
people avoid personal contact because they are tired of
having their feelings hurt.

We know we can't change this person, but is this a form of
mental abuse? Should we continue to ignore the punishment
we are getting and continue to be kind and thoughtful and
hope the mood will pass?
-- TIRED OF THE TIRADES

DEAR TIRED: The tirades could be considered a form of mental
abuse, but they could also be signs of substance abuse, a
mental illness or a personality disorder. Your relative's
behavior should not be ignored. In fact, I recommend you
consult a licensed mental health professional to help you
better understand what's going on and how to effectively deal
with it.

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DEAR ABBY: My parents will celebrate their 50th wedding
anniversary and my mother's 70th birthday in March. They
have invited my siblings and me, plus our spouses and grand-
children for a Caribbean cruise. The celebration was planned
around a time when most of us could take time off work and
school. Unfortunately, the event coincides with my step-
daughter's due date. Her mother (my wife) has already said
she will stay behind for the birth.

The problem is, my stepdaughter has said that anyone who
misses the birth of her baby will not be allowed to have a
relationship with her or her child. How do I make this right
for my parents and my stepdaughter?
-- TROUBLED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR TROUBLED: You can't. It will be up to your wife to make
her daughter understand that the world doesn't revolve around
her, and that her attempt to blackmail you into being there
for the birth of the baby will not punish you or your family,
but rather isolate herself and the child. It's a mistake
she'll regret in the future.



To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most
frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-
sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for
$6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box
447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the
price.)

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write Dear Abby at
T="_new" class="abbylink">www.DearAbby.com
or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.