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Oct. 20, 2009

NO EXCUSES ARE NEEDED IF YOU DON'T WANT TO DRINK

DEAR ABBY: I was thrilled to read "Sober in Scottsdale's"
(July 28) letter about drinking. I'm a 21-year-old college
student who has also struggled with choosing to be sober
amidst the majority of my drunken peers. Most people my age
drink only to get drunk and appear to be unable to have fun
without the aid of alcohol. Every activity must be performed
under the influence.

While at a nightclub, one friend asked me how I was able to
"dance and have a good time without being drunk."

Abby, in your response to "Sober," you said that drinkers
should "mind their own business" because "there is usually a
good reason why a person doesn't drink." For me, there is no
medical, metabolic or addiction problem that prevents me from
consuming alcohol. But I have seen the effects it has on my
peers -- putting them in drunken stupors, using awful judg-
ment, and being taken to the hospital after blacking out.

I left the college of my choice after one month because I
could no longer stand hearing people in the bathroom vomiting
all night long. Drinkers aren't ashamed of these displays.
They brag about them to their friends the next day.

I sure hope this stage is one that will pass with age. I
often long for the days when I was younger, when playing
board games and sipping juice was considered a good time.
-- NOT DRINKING IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR NOT DRINKING: Apparently binge drinking is still a rite
of passage for some college students. I would like to address
one comment you made in your letter. With some young people,
binge drinking is a phase that passes as they learn their
limit -- but with others it can be a pattern that begins in
their teens and sometimes even younger. Read on for more
comments from readers who feel as you do:

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DEAR ABBY: I chose to be a non-drinker when my children be-
came teenagers. I wanted to show them that I could have a
good time without drinking, and I think it was an important
lesson.

Parents need to seriously consider the messages they convey.
I'm shocked that some allow underage drinking in their homes.
One mother who had a party in her home told me the kids were
drinking there for the "learning experience." I got so an-
noyed I asked her if she was also providing hookers, since
many of the teens were probably sexually inexperienced too.
She didn't know what to say.
-- VENTING IN SOUTH WINDSOR, CONN.

DEAR ABBY: You said there's usually a good reason why a per-
son doesn't drink. Can't it just be my choice? I'm not an
alcoholic, and I don't take medication that alcohol would
react adversely with. I enjoy an occasional glass of wine or
other alcoholic beverage, but I do not need to drink in order
to have a good time. And there is nothing "wrong" with me if
I choose to refrain from indulging. More people should make
the same choice.
-- CHERYL IN MADISON, ALA.

DEAR ABBY: I choose not to drink so I can be the designated
driver should the need arise. My dad was a member of AA. And,
quite frankly, I'd rather use my calories on cake than a
drink.
-- DESIGNATED DRIVER, CEDAR PARK, TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: Why should a person need a reason not to drink?
The question that should be asked is, "Why are these people
drinking?" Personally, I'm with "Scottsdale." I don't like
the taste of alcohol, don't like the effects and, more im-
portant, I don't like the death statistics associated with
drinkers and those unfortunates who end up in their paths.
-- DONNA IN LAKE CITY, FLA.



For everything you need to know about wedding planning,
order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-
sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order
for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet,
P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is
included in the price.)

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write Dear Abby at
T="_new" class="abbylink">www.DearAbby.com
or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.