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Oct. 30, 2009
MULTITASKING DAUGHTER IS DRIVING TOWARD DISASTER
DEAR ABBY: My daughter insists that she's a "multitasker" --
too busy to telephone or text except when she's driving. It
scares me to be in the passenger seat while she's talking on
the phone or picking up toys the baby has dropped from his
car seat.
I told her I won't talk to her while she's driving because I
don't want to be a party to an accident she might be involved
in, so she has stopped calling me altogether.
Don't these self-described multitaskers realize they are
operating machines that can kill them or others while they
shift their focus from the road? A man recently died in a
head-on car crash as he crossed the interstate line. When the
emergency vehicles arrived, his laptop was still running.
What else can I say to my daughter when she doesn't "want to
hear about it"?
-- TERRIFIED MAMA IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR TERRIFIED: The statistics I have read indicate that
drivers using cell phones have the same risk of being in-
volved in an accident as people who have been drinking. It
is sad that your daughter is so overscheduled that she feels
she must do two things at once.
However, until your daughter is ready to sharpen her maternal
instincts, grow up and stop being defensive, there is nothing
you or anyone can say that will cut through the static. I am
truly sorry.
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DEAR ABBY: My twin sister, "Karina," and I will be seniors
this year, and we're starting to look at colleges. It has
always been "assumed" that Karina and I would attend the same
college and be roommates. However, I think it's time for
some separation. We're very close, and I would like us to
attend the same college, but I think we should consider
having different roommates.
Karina is hurt and upset that I don't want to continue
sharing a room with her, pointing out that we've been
"roommates" our entire lives and get along well, so why
argue with success?
It has nothing to do with her. I just think it would be
easier to expand our horizons if we're not just known as
"the twins." We would still see each other often, and if
things don't work out perhaps we can be roomies the following
year.
My mother is shocked and thinks there's something wrong
between us. I would appreciate another opinion.
-- THE OTHER TWIN
DEAR TWIN: Have a private talk with your mother and explain
that as much as you love your sister, the time has come for
both of you to explore your individuality. While the concept
may be foreign to her, what you are contemplating would be a
healthy opportunity for both of you. As the daughter of an
identical twin, I can assure you that some degree of separ-
ation will be healthy and give you both a chance to grow.
DEAR ABBY: I am not ugly, but I am very unphotogenic. I take
terrible pictures. At family weddings, I know photos are
necessary and I cooperate. But the rest of the time I do not
want to be photographed. Isn't this my right?
How can I, without offending anyone, prevent people from
taking my picture? And am I the only person who feels this
way?
-- NO PICTURES, PLEASE, KANSAS CITY, MO.
DEAR NO PICTURES, PLEASE: No, you aren't -- and people who
know you and care about your feelings should respect them
and not insist. If the shooter is a stranger or a casual
acquaintance, all you need to say is, "I prefer not to be
photographed." And if you are pressed, say you're in the
Witness Protection Program.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning,
order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized,
self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6
(U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O.
Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included
in the price.)
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write Dear Abby at
T="_new" class="abbylink">www.DearAbby.com
or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.