MOUTHPIECE - July 28, 2014

Good Afternoon,

Some say I'm paranoid, but I'm really not. I just don't know why people keep talking about me and my supposed paranoia. It seems to be on everyone's tongue. Everywhere I look people are chatting away, no doubt it's about you-know-who. No matter where I go I just can't seem to escape it. I think I'm being followed. Not right now, I meant earlier.

Hey, wait! Who's reading this? What do you want?!

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Mouthing Off,
Carl

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[m] q u o t e s . o f . t h e . d a y
"If you would be wealthy, think of saving as well as getting."
--Benjamin Franklin

"Humor is just another defense against the universe."
--Mel Brooks

"Forever is composed of nows."
--Emily Dickinson


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DRINK-O-METER
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Cat Plays Jenga
Sometimes the grandkids don't want to come over for game night, so what do you do? Get the cat. Watch this video... it's the cutest!

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[m] b i t s . n . b o b s
*-- Top Ten Signs You're Paranoid --*
10. You run away upon seeing a mall directory that says, "You are here."

9. Thirty five locks on your sock drawer just aren't enough.

8. You hire a private eye to keep an eye out on your house, but then fire him because he's part of the conspiracy.

7. Before you take the garbage cans back from the street, you check them for really short Mafia hit men.

6. You are learning six foreign languages because you just know those people you don't understand are talking about YOU.

5. You even wonder if the guard dog you hired is secretly plotting against you.

4. You have a funny feeling the voices in your head are plotting behind your back.

3. It takes you three hours each evening to program the household alarms and video surveillance system before you can go to bed.

2. You're checking off each number on this list as you read.

1. The Witness Relocation Program has told you to stop showing up unless you have an actual reason to.

***
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