MOUTHPIECE - January 28, 2014

Good Afternoon,

I thought today would be a good day for a joke. I'm all about the jokes lately.

Patient: "Doctor, Doctor, I think I am a dog."

Doctor: "Lie down on the couch."

Patient: "I can't. I'm not allowed on the furniture."

It feels good to laugh, doesn't it? Have a good week.

Mouthing Off,
Carl

P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives


[m] q u o t e s . o f . t h e . d a y
"Every man is the builder of a temple called his body."
-- Henry David Thoreau

"Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are more pliable."
-- Mark Twain

"Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up."
-- Pablo Picasso


[m] What's On the Web?
TV Shows on DVD
If you're like me you can't wait for your favorite television shows to make their way onto DVD... and Blu-Ray. Get the scoop and reviews for TV shows released on DVD, with voting on desired future releases.

Visit: TV Shows on DVD


SpongeBob SquarePants in Bikini Bottom Bowling
Click on the slider bar to make SpongeBob bowl. If the sliding clam is in the middle of the bar when you click, he'll knock down all the coral and roll a strike! Are you ready? See if you can beat my score of 183.

Visit: SpongeBob SquarePants in Bikini Bottom Bowling


[m] b i t s . n . b o b s
*-- Strange and Funny Signs --*
On a Septic Tank Truck sign: "We're #1 in the #2 business."

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

At a Proctologist's door: "To expedite your visit please back in."

On a Plumbers truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."

On a Plumbers truck: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

Pizza Shop Slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak."

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout."

On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door: "Hello. Can we pick your nose?"

At a Towing company: "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

On an Electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."

In a Nonsmoking Area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On a Maternity Room door: "Push. Push. Push."

At an Optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

On a Taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff."

In a Podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels."

On a Fence: "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."

At a Car Dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."

Outside a Muffler Shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

In a Veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes.
Sit! Stay!"

At the Electric Company: "We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don't, you will be."

In a Restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry, come on in and get fed up.

In the front yard of a Funeral Home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."

At a Propane Filling Station: "Tank heaven for little grills."

At a Radiator Shop: "Best place in town to take a leak.

***
Missed an Issue? Visit the Mouthpiece Archives