MOUTHPIECE - December 15, 2015

Good Afternoon,

Let's get to the excellence that is... Mouthpiece!

First off, The quotes I have selected for you are spelled correctly and are attributed to the right people.

Then, there are two websites that are fun and interesting and good time-wasters and feature drinking and Mr. Picasso Head.

And finally, check out the 'Dr. Report' if your curious about what it says on other patient's charts.

So enjoy and I hope that... I don't know. I just ran out of steam there.

Mouthing Off,
Carl

P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives


[m] q u o t e s . o f . t h e . d a y
"One man practicing sportsmanship is better than a hundred teaching it."
--Knute Rockne

"When we do the best that we can, we never know what miracle is wrought in our life, or in the life of another."
--Helen Keller

"Trust thyself only, and another shall not betray thee."
--Thomas Fuller


[m] What's On the Web?
DRINK-O-METER
Have you ever wondered just how much alcohol you have consumed in your lifetime? Or how much you have spent on those drunken nights? Take this test to find out the state of your kidneys, wallet and quantity of alcohol that has invaded your system over the years.

Visit: DRINK-O-METER

MR. PICASSO HEAD
Search for the artist within head over to this site. Put together your own Picasso art piece and share it with the world!

Visit: MR. PICASSO HEAD


[m] b i t s . n . b o b s
*-- Doctor's Reports --*
1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

2. On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely.

3. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993.

4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

5. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

6. Healthy appearing decrepit 99 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

7. The patient refused an autopsy.

8. The patient has no past history of suicides.

9. Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

10. Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

12. She is numb from her toes down.

13. While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

14. The skin was moist and dry.

15. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

17. Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.

18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our Car for physical therapy.

20. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

21. Skin: Somewhat pale but present.

22. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

23. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

***
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