Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Good Afternoon,

I've never had the misfortune of having to deal with a lawyer, but I hope that when the times comes that I do get the full lawyer experience I don't have one that shows any of the following 'Signs That You Might Need A New Lawyer' which you can check out below in the 'Bits N Bobs' section of this brand-new edition of Mouthpiece that I typed out with my own two fingers. (I have ten fingers, but I only type with two of them. Guess which two!)

Also, be sure to visit a great website for cult movie fans called, Trailers From Hell. It's great fun!

Mouthing Off,
Carl

Questions? Comments? Email Mouthpiece

[m] q u o t e s . o f . t h e . d a y
"I once said cynically of a politician, 'He'll doublecross that bridge when he comes to it.'"
- Oscar Levant

"There is nothing more demoralizing than a small but adequate income."
- Edmund Wilson

"When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber."
- Sir Winston Churchill

[m] What's On the Web?
Trailers From Hell
Take a look at some of the most obscure, bizarre, weird, memorable movie trailers from some of the most shocking, beloved, criticized, unusual cult classics in all of cinema. Each trailer is given running commentary from the likes of filmmakers Joe Dante, John Landis, Eli Roth, Guillermo del Toro, Edgar Wright and many more!

Visit: Trailers From Hell

Goldminer Game

Gold is a hot commodity these days, it's a shame that you can't pocket the gold you unearth in this fun game. You use a crane to rack-up some of the biggest, most valuable golden nuggets before your time runs out. Keep digging and get rich!

Play: Goldminer Game


[m] b i t s . n . b o b s
*-- Signs That You Might Need A New Lawyer --*
* During the trial, you catch him playing Angry Birds.

* Every couple of minutes he yells, "I call Jack Daniel's to the stand!" and proceeds to drink a shot.

* He places a large "No Refunds" sign on the defense table.

* Just before trial starts he whispers, "The judge is the one with the little hammer, right?"

* Just before he says "Your Honor," he makes those little quotation marks in the air with his fingers.

* The sign in front of his law office reads "Practicing Law Since 2:25 PM."

* Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge, "Whatever."

* He giggles every time he hears the word "briefs."

* Giggles hysterically at the mere mention of the Penal Code.

* Constantly raising objections to the "vibes" he's getting from the jury.

* Every time the judge sustains one of his objections, he screams, "Yahtzee!"

* Offers to waive his usual fees in exchange for your panties.

* You met him in prison.

* He tells you that his last good case was Scotch.

* When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.

* He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."

* He asks a hostile witness to "pull my finger."

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