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MOUTHPIECE - January 5, 2016

Good Afternoon,


It's a new year! I'm ready for it... I think. I'm not sure. Maybe? Well, I'm ready to be a Space Dude, learn what it would be like if alcohol had mascots like cereal, and try to keep some New Year Resolutions for Pets. A lot of good stuff in here.

It's gonna be a great year, Duuude!

Mouthing Off,
Carl


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[m] q u o t e s . o f . t h e . d a y

"They used to photograph Shirley Temple through gauze. They should photograph me through linoleum."
--Tallulah Bankhead

"I know a lot about cars. I can look at a car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming."
--Mitch Hedberg

"What you risk reveals what you value."
--Jeanette Winterson


[m] What's On the Web?

Space Duuude Game

From Addicting Games: This adventurous alien landed on Earth and needs to find the portal to get back home. Help the funny creature jump over obstacles and collect golden items so he can finish his mission. Avoid monsters or traps and have fun with the extraterrestrial duuude!

Visit: Space Duuude Game


If Alcohol Had Mascots Like Cereal

When you think about the concept it makes complete sense. Why has this not happen yet? Get on it, boozemakers!

Visit: If Alcohol Had Mascots Like Cereal


[m] b i t s . n . b o b s

*-- New Year Resolutions for Pets --*

15. I will not eat other animals' poop.

14. I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.

13. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

12. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

11. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.

10. Cats: Circulate a petition that sleeping become a juried competition in major animal shows.

9. Come to understand that cats are from Venus; dogs are from Mars.

8. Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.

7. Hamster: Don't let them figure out I'm just a rat on steroids, or they'll flush me!

6. Get a bite in on that freak who gives me that shot every year.

5. Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.

4. Cats: Use new living room sofa as scratching post.

3. January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock! January 2nd - December 31: Re-live victory over the sock.

2. The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

AND the Number 1 New Year's Resolutions Made by Pets...

1. I will NOT chase the stick until I see it LEAVE THE IDIOT'S HAND

(From ahajokes.com)

***

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