MOUTHPIECE - January 19, 2016

Good Afternoon,

I may not be much of a conversationalist, but I do know how to tell a joke or two. So, here's a joke... or two... nah, just one joke today.

The lifeguard told the mother to make her young son stop urinating in the pool.

"Everyone knows," the mother lectured him, "that from time to time, young children will urinate in a pool."

"Well, that's true," said the lifeguard, "but from the diving board!?!?"

Good joke, eh? Now, enjoy Mouthpiece and all of its enjoyableness and stuff. You see, I stink at conversing.

Mouthing Off,
Carl

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[m] q u o t e s . o f . t h e . d a y
"You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty."
--Mahatma Gandhi

"I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell-you see, I have friends in both places."
--Mark Twain

"I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals."
--Sir Winston Churchill


[m] What's On the Web?
15 Gifs That You Can Stare At Forever
Clear your schedule and prepare to stare. These 15 Gifs may calm you, hypnotize you, and/or possibly freak... you... out!

Visit: 15 Gifs That You Can Stare At Forever


24 Facts That Will Ruin Your Childhood
Someone had to ruin your childhood, but don't worry it's not me, it's the hilarious Cracked.com. I'm just the messenger. You knew it was going to happen sooner than later.

Visit: 24 Facts That Will Ruin Your Childhood


[m] b i t s . n . b o b s
*-- New Jersey's Crazy Laws --*
It is against the law for a man to knit during the fishing season.

You may not slurp your soup.

If you have been convicted of driving while intoxicated, you may never again apply for personalized license plates.

It is against the law to "frown" at a police officer.

On a highway you can not park under a bridge.

Car dealerships are forbidden from opening on Sunday.

You cannot pump your own gas. All gas stations are full service and full service only.

Automobiles are not to pass horse drawn carriages on the street.

It is illegal to delay or detain a homing pigeon.

(From Aha!Jokes)

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