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Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Good Afternoon,
Enjoy today's holiday themed issue. It contains great
seasonal quotes, fun games and a hilarious list of 20
Ways to Confuse Santa Claus.
Spend some time with Mouthpiece and it will help you get
through the long holiday week.
Happy Holidays!
Mouthing Off,
Carl
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[m] q u o t e s . o f . t h e . d a y
"Great. I just beat up Santa Claus."
- Denis Leary as Gus in "The Ref"
"I want an official Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred
shot range model air rifle!"
- Peter Billingsley as Ralphie in "A Christmas Story"
"Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry
Christmas, kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy
Hanukkah."
- Chevy Chase as Clark Griswold in "Christmas Vacation"
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What's On the Web?
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Christmas Maze Game
Can you help the Reindeer get to Santa in time for
Christmas? Put your cursor over the deer and travel
down to Santa. Don't hit anything, if you do, you
will have to start over.
Visit: http://bit.ly/hcUrHa
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Deep Freeze
Freeze your enemies with your water gun and stop the bad
guys from ruining Christmas.
Visit: http://bit.ly/f2B5Bl
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[m] b i t s . n . b o b s
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---------- Twenty Ways to Confuse Santa Claus ----------
1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a
note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a
few pounds.
2. While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write
him a speeding ticket.
3. Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for
the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.
4. While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with
exact replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he
tries to get them to fly.
5. Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a
bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until
he sees that big, red Santa suit!
6. Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, hold-
ing signs that say "We hate Christmas," and "Go away Santa."
7. Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs.
Claus called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk
and a loaf of bread on his way home.
8. Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down the
chimney. Refuse to let him leave until the strippers arrive.
9. While he's in the house, find the sleigh and sit in it.
As soon as he comes back and sees you, tell him that he
shouldn't have missed that last payment, and take off.
10. Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk
out, with a note that says, "For The Tooth Fairy. :)" Leave
a nother plate out with half a stale cookie and a few drops
of skim milk in a dirty glass with a note that says, "For
Santa. :("
11. Take everything out of your house as if it's just been
robbed. When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a police-
man and say, "Well, well. They always return to the scene
of the crime."
12. Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-
minute changes and corrections.
13. While he's in the house, cover the top of the chimney
with barbed wire.
14. Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out where
Santa's sure to see them. Go outside, yell, "Ooh! Look!
A deer! And he's got a red nose!" and fire a gun.
15. Leave Santa a note, explaining that you've moved.
Include a map with unclear and hard-to-read directions to
your new house.
16. Set a bear trap at the bottom of the chimney. Wait for
Santa to get caught in it, and then explain that you're
sorry, but from a distance, he looked like a bear.
17. Leave out a Santa suit, with an attached dry-cleaning
bill.
18. Paint "hoof-prints" all over your face and clothes.
While he's in the house, go out on the roof. When he comes
back up, act like you've been "trampled." Threaten to sue
for personal injury.
19. Instead of ornaments, decorate your tree with Easter
eggs.
20. Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come
and then say, "This neighborhood ain't big enough for the
both of us.
(Copyright 2010 Aha! Jokes)
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