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Jan. 25, 2009
MOM'S FINAL WISHES COME WITH A THREAT OF HAUNTING
DEAR ABBY: My mother is a spry, 75-year-old woman who has
expressed an unusual request. She has told us "kids" that
when she is called by the angels, she wants to be dressed
in an aqua nightgown or PJs, and to be lying on her side.
She says she will be sleeping for a long time, and she
wants to make sure she's comfortable. She also says if we
don't carry out her wishes, she will come back and haunt
us.
I have attended many wakes, but I can honestly say I have
never seen anything like this done before. What do you
think?
-- WANTS TO DO RIGHT BY MAMA IN MASSACHUSETTS
DEAR WANTS TO DO RIGHT: I think it's wonderful that your
mother is discussing this now -- and I hope your letter
will encourage more readers to begin this kind of important
conversation with their loved ones.
Because the alternative is to be "haunted" to eternity, you
should honor your mother's wishes. But because laws vary
from state to state, readers who want to find out what the
law is in their state should visit
"abbylink">www.funerals.org
and view the Personal Preference page.
DEAR ABBY: My son "Pete," who is in his late 20s, has had a
battle with drugs since he was 17. After numerous trips to
rehab, thousands of dollars and too many heartbreaks to
number, his dad and I decided to tell him he is no longer
welcome in our home.
We did not reach this decision lightly. We have other child-
ren and grandchildren to consider.
We have lived in this small town all our lives. I don't know
how to answer people's questions about why we have no contact
with Pete or why we haven't tried other solutions. I have
cried myself to sleep many nights over careless comments that
have been made.
We love our son dearly, but we can no longer be his crutch to
lean on. Please tell me how to answer these people without
being rude and hurtful.
-- DESPERATE MOM IN LOUISIANA
DEAR MOM: The thoughts you conveyed in your letter are ex-
cellent replies to thoughtless people who question your
decision. You DID try "other solutions." They didn't work,
and there are other relatives who must be considered.
Sometimes addicts must hit bottom before they finally accept
that -- in the final analysis -- they have to help themselves
recover. If you are questioned more than once, tell the per-
son plainly that this was a painful decision for you and your
husband and to please not raise the subject again.
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DEAR ABBY: I have purchased season tickets for the local pro-
fessional hockey team from a former co-worker for the last
five years. We worked together for eight years and had a good
relationship until this recent issue.
This year, when I called to ask about the tickets, she in-
formed me that she had already sold them on Craigslist. I
was upset because she didn't offer them to me first. I would
have paid her the asking price without complaint.
I understand that they were her tickets and she could do
what she wanted with them, but I feel she was inconsiderate
and rude not to at least offer them to me before selling
them to a total stranger. We are no longer speaking. Who's
in the right?
-- MAD IN MINNESOTA
DEAR MAD: She should have warned you -- but if it ended
the friendship, it couldn't have been much of one to begin
with.
Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two
booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite
Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed
envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)
to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris,
IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write Dear Abby at
T="_new" class="abbylink">www.DearAbby.com
or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.