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May 21, 2010

MOM MISTAKEN FOR A COUGAR RESENTS THE GROWLS SHE GETS

DEAR ABBY: I'm an athletic, youthful-looking 58, and my son,
"Barry," is 24. We go out alone for dinner quite often be-
cause my husband (Barry's father) doesn't enjoy eating in
restaurants. My problem is the angry stares my son and I get
from younger -- and older -- women who mistake me for a
"cougar" out on a date with my "cub."

The other night when I left our table to use the restroom, a
woman approached Barry, told him he was "disgusting," and
asked, "Why don't you date girls your own age?" He informed
her that I was his mother, but even if I wasn't, it was none
of her business. Another time, a girl Barry's age asked him
why he was out with "an old hag" and said, "How can you want
her over me?" This happens every time we go out.

I dress well and look like I could be in my 40s, but I have
to wonder about the rudeness and ignorance of someone in-
sulting my son without knowing the circumstances of the
situation. Some of them refused to believe the truth even
after Barry told them.

Interestingly, young men who have commented thought it was
"awesome" that Barry could be out with a cougar. It's only
the females who have a problem with us. Can you comment on
this?
-- HAPPILY MARRIED MOM IN OHIO

DEAR MOM: Some thoughts do come to mind: Women who are happy
in their personal lives don't approach strangers with snide
remarks like those you have repeated. The women were rude,
presumptuous, probably envious -- and I'll bet they were also
alone, because it's hard to imagine a woman with a date doing
something so outrageous.

I'm not surprised that younger men might think it was
"awesome" that your son could be out with a cougar. When
the subject was raised in my column, the men who commented
said what attracted them to older women was that they are
confident, relaxed, comfortable with themselves and fun to
be around -- while younger women didn't bother to be subtle
about their preference for men with money.

And one more thing: You must be quite a knockout to attract
the kind of attention you're getting.

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DEAR ABBY: I am a 19-year-old guy who doesn't know what I
want to do with my life. I know I'm still young and shouldn't
stress out about what my career in life will be, but nothing
seems to interest me. I don't want to be a doctor or an
astronomer like some do. I can't cook or play any instru-
ments, and I'm not very good with numbers. I have thought of
hundreds of careers -- and I hate them all.

I don't want to do something I will hate for the rest of my
life, but I'm afraid that's what will happen. I have been to
three different counselors and none was able to help me. I'm
hoping you can offer me some advice.
-- HOPELESS IN CHANDLER, ARIZ.

DEAR HOPELESS: You aren't the first person to panic because
he (or she) is afraid of being stuck in a career slot that
doesn't fit. The good news is one of the realities of today's
workplace is that in many cases, jobs no longer last a life-
time. Workers can expect to change jobs and be retrained
several times -- or more -- during their working years. I
hope this relieves some of your anxiety.

Although you have decided what jobs do not interest you, no-
where have you mentioned any areas in which you excel. For
that reason I'm advising you to go to your nearest community
college career counseling center and ask to take some apti-
tude tests. People usually enjoy doing something they're good
at.



To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most
frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-
sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for
$6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box
447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the
price.)

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write Dear Abby at
T="_new" class="abbylink">www.DearAbby.com
or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.