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March 26, 2010
MEDIC'S BATTLEFIELD DECISION NOW CONTINUES TO HAUNT HIM
DEAR ABBY: I am a medic in the Middle East. I was out on
patrol with some of our guys when we were hit with a mortar
attack. More than one guy was wounded.
I ran to the first guy and saw that he was hit. He had a
wound I knew he wouldn't be able to survive. He pulled a
letter from his pocket, put it in my hands and pushed me
away. I tried to apply pressure to his wound to slow the
bleeding, but he pushed me away again. It was like he was
telling me to go to the next man who needed my attention.
Everyone survived except him.
At first, I thought I did the right thing by respecting his
wishes to help someone I could save. When I got back and
talked to his family, they were angry at me for not trying
harder to save his life. When I signed up for this job, I
knew I wouldn't be able to save everyone, but I am supposed
to try my best no matter who it is I am saving.
Was I wrong by going to another man who I could save? Was it
wrong of me to take his letter and leave him after he pushed
me away twice? Please tell me what you think.
-- DOC IN DISTRESS
DEAR DOC: I think you were doing the best you could in an
impossible situation. Your patient may have instinctively
known he was not going to make it -- which is why he gave you
the letter. Of course the family was angry that you couldn't
save their loved one -- they are grieving. I urge you to talk
to a counselor about what happened and the feelings of guilt
you're experiencing. In a situation like the one in which you
found yourself, wrenching choices sometimes have to be made.
Please stop second-guessing yourself.
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DEAR ABBY: My father is in the early stages of Alzheimer's.
While at a family party, my stepmother started talking about
how she and Dad had just visited their friends, the Royal
Family in England. I assume she thought she was being funny.
My poor father was completely confused, but my stepmother
continued on with the charade. We all felt uncomfortable and
didn't know how to handle the situation. The grandkids felt
bad for Grandpop.
I recently learned that my stepmother pretended her friend
was his daughter. Dad is confused enough without having to
be tricked in this manner. My stepmother is a very complex,
challenging woman, and I need to handle this matter very
carefully. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
-- SAD ABOUT DAD IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR SAD: Your stepmother is not only "complex and challeng-
ing," she has a twisted sense of humor. Ridiculing someone
with dementia is cruel and, in my opinion, qualifies as elder
abuse. As to "tricking" your father into thinking her friend
was his daughter, I wish you had mentioned what she was
trying to accomplish by doing that. Your father -- and his
assets -- may need protection. Please consider discussing
this with a social worker who specializes in senior services.
DEAR ABBY: My husband doesn't like his sister. When he drinks
beer, he says ugly things about her and starts to cry. When
I said she's his only sister and to cut it out, he closed his
hands into fists.
I twice tried calling her at 1 a.m., after he fell asleep.
Well, our phone bill arrived and her phone number is on it.
He's the one who gets the mail, so please answer this in the
paper. The bill is due in 10 days.
-- PEACEMAKER IN FLORIDA
DEAR PEACEMAKER: If your husband is the one who pays the
bills, fess up while he's sober, because it appears he
doesn't handle his beer very well. And from now on, respect
his boundaries because there may be good reason why he and
his sister are on the outs.
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