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May 13, 2010
MAN'S SHAME OVER INFIDELITY PROMPTS THOUGHTS OF SUICIDE
DEAR ABBY: I have been married 19 years to a beautiful,
accomplished woman. We have two wonderful children. I fooled
around throughout my marriage because I could. I justified
it by telling myself the women knew what they were doing,
and I never made any false promises about leaving my wife.
She suspected a couple of times, but always gave me the
benefit of the doubt.
My last affair ended publicly with every gory detail exposed.
My family, work, reputation -- everything that mattered to
me -- have been destroyed. I can't talk about any of it to
a therapist because I am so ashamed. Friends, family and
co-workers now shun me. I have hit rock bottom.
If you have a hopeful solution, please share it. Otherwise,
please print this as a warning to other men like me that
when they hit bottom -- as will surely happen -- there's
nowhere to turn. I want to end my life.
-- SHATTERED IN LOUISIANA
DEAR SHATTERED: I understand this experience has been painful
for all concerned, but stop focusing only about yourself and
your pain. Suicide may seem like a solution to your problems,
but your children need you alive and functional -- and their
needs must take precedence.
Find a therapist -- someone you can relate to, and feel safe
enough with to discuss everything that has happened from the
beginning.
There is life after divorce. And, as many celebrities can
attest, there is also life after public embarrassment and
career setbacks. So straighten your backbone and keep
marching forward. While it may not seem like it right now,
there are better days ahead.
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THROW YOUR TUPPERWARE AWAY
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DEAR ABBY: My mother and I rarely get along -- mainly because
she thinks she's fabulous and I don't. I'm in my 30s, married
with a child and have a career. I am tired of riding an
emotional roller coaster with Mother.
She is planning her next visit and I don't want her to come.
Her visits end up lasting a week or more, and her conver-
sation consists of complaining, making snide comments about
my house and how I am raising my child (under the guise of
being "helpful"), and then whining because I don't have the
time or desire to entertain or placate her.
Can you tell me how to tell her that visits to my house are
no longer welcomed? -- DONE WITH THE DRAMA
DEAR DONE: When your mother raises the subject of her visit,
tell her that she would be more comfortable staying at a
hotel when she comes and so would you. That way you can con-
trol the amount of time you spend together. Offer to split
the cost with her, then pray she agrees.
DEAR ABBY: Here's a new one for you. A group of friends and
I are frequent customers on some of the home shopping
channels. When we buy jewelry it arrives in a gift case or
box. We hate to throw them away. Any ideas on how we can
donate or recycle those gift boxes?
-- DIANA IN LAKEWOOD, CALIF.
DEAR DIANA: Depending upon how you store your jewelry, you
could keep the items in their presentation boxes in a drawer
with the tops open, so the drawer becomes a large jewelry
box and they don't become scratched. Or, save the boxes and
reuse them when giving small gifts at Christmas or on birth-
days. If you know of any people or groups who make jewelry
or other crafts, offer the boxes to them. Otherwise, (sob!)
it's off to the landfill.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a
business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money
order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet,
P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is
included in the price.)
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write Dear Abby at
T="_new" class="abbylink">www.DearAbby.com
or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.