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April 12, 2010
MAN'S REFUSAL TO FILE RETURNS TAXES COUPLE'S RELATIONSHIP
DEAR ABBY: It has been eight years since my boyfriend,
"Grant," filed taxes. His refusal to file a tax return has
caused many arguments between us.
Grant's parents got wind of it one year and gave him money
to pay them off, but he spent the money to pay other bills.
Grant is an only child. His parents often bail him out
financially. This has begun to gnaw at me because I'm at
the point where I'm thinking about marriage and children. I
know we can't be married until he takes care of his tax
problem.
How serious is it not paying your taxes? Is this something
I should just ignore? I couldn't pay the bills if he was
put in jail. Will this 30-something only child ever grow
up?
-- APRIL 15-PHOBIC
DEAR PHOBIC: According to the National Association of En-
rolled Agents (NAEA), a professional society of federally
licensed tax practitioners, failing to file your taxes is
worse than failing to pay. By not filing, your boyfriend
runs the risk of paying not only the taxes he owes, but
penalties and interest as well.
You need to tell Grant he can get help from an enrolled
agent to guide him through the process of filing back returns
and, if necessary, setting up a payment schedule with the
IRS. He can locate one in his area by accessing the NAEA Web
site,
www.naea.org.
If he doesn't have access to a computer, his local library
can help him.
More than 10,000 enrolled agents are listed. Because they
are the only tax specialists licensed to practice before the
IRS, Grant can be assured the matter will be handled confi-
dentially in the most competent way.
You should not ignore Grant's behavior. Protect yourself
tax-wise by filing your return separately from his until the
matter is settled. Should you decide to marry him, file as
"married, filing separately" so your incomes (at least in
the eyes of the IRS) won't be viewed as one entity. Use the
same enrolled agent or find one for yourself.
Do check out this reputable organization. Don't wait for
your boyfriend to grow up to do it because at the rate he's
maturing, that may never happen.
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DEAR ABBY: My son "Matt" is a junior in high school. He says
he's not attending the junior/senior prom this year because
he doesn't have anyone special to go with.
I tried to explain that his date doesn't have to be a "girl-
friend," that she can just be a friend. I told him he could
also go with a bunch of guys who don't have dates.
I know later on in life Matt will regret not having gone to
the prom, and I'm sad about his decision. Should I make him
go even though he doesn't want to, hoping he has a good time
when he gets there? Or should I drop the issue and respect
his wishes even if he's making a mistake? Matt is 17 and not
particularly social, and I think that's why he doesn't want
to go.
-- ENCOURAGING MOM
DEAR MOM: There is a fine line that separates an encouraging
mom from a mom who is overbearing. Your son is only a junior,
and will have a chance next year to change his mind and
attend the prom as a senior. Frankly, I have never had a man
write me or tell me that looking back on his high school
years he regretted missing a dance. A game, perhaps -- but
never a dance.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The
Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send
a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or
money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger
Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage
is included in the price.)
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write Dear Abby at
T="_new" class="abbylink">www.DearAbby.com
or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.