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August 19, 2010
**TOMORROW WILL BE THE LAST ISSUE OF DEAR ABBY**
MAN'S NEED FOR 'ME TIME' CASTS A PALL ON 'US TIME'
DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Kate" for a year. She's caring
and down-to-earth. We have so much in common, and time goes
by quickly when we're together.
That's why, when a new job brought Kate closer to my place,
I told her she could stay with me, so her commute would be
less stressful while she gets used to the job and learns her
way around. I enjoy making us dinner, since I get home two
hours before she does.
After being single and living alone for six years, I want a
relationship. Maybe in the future I'll want her to move in
with me. We spend weeknights together and go out as a couple
every weekend. But I also like "my time" and "my night out."
I am a part-time publicist for an entertainer and try to
keep up with the local music and club scene. Two nights out
alone during the month work for me. I share the details with
Kate -- including the crazy things I see "singles" do when
I'm out. I have explained to her how spending these nights
on my own makes me appreciate her more when I return. But I
feel a distinct "chill" from her when my night arrives.
I have no problem with Kate doing a "girls' night out" on
those evenings. Am I wrong to want alone time? Am I not
committed enough to this relationship?
-- REASONABLE GUY IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA
DEAR REASONABLE: It's not wrong to want some time indepen-
dent of Kate, particularly since it relates to your bus-
iness. Her cool reaction may be related to her insecurities
with your relationship, as well as the "crazy things" you're
describing when you get home.
It may have been a mistake to invite Kate to stay with you
without a deadline after which you expect her to find her
own place. Under the circumstances, she may think your
relationship has progressed further than it really has.
DEAR ABBY: I cannot think of anyone else to turn to. I attend
church, but don't know a priest well enough to confide in
him.
I have been married 45 years. My wife and I have a very good
sex life. My problem is, over the past year my curiosity has
increased about what it would be like to be with another man.
I don't have anyone in mind. I try not to think about it,
but the idea excites me.
I enjoy looking at attractive women, but often find myself
wanting to give the other a try. Please help me find an ans-
wer before I try something stupid. Abby, I hope you can
offer me some advice in your column.
-- ANONYMOUS IN DAYTONA BEACH
DEAR ANONYMOUS: Everyone has sexual fantasies, and although
yours have recently been homosexual fantasies, it does not
necessarily mean that you would enjoy an encounter with
another man. Because you say you have a "very good sex life"
with your wife, you may have some bisexual leanings. How-
ever, 45 years ago you promised at the altar to be faithful
to your wife. So I'll offer the same advice I would have
given to Adam if he had written me back then: Don't take a
bite of that apple because it could get you evicted from
Eden.
DEAR ABBY: What do you say to people when you have a child
in jail and they don't know? Should you lie and say every-
thing is fine?
-- EAST COAST MOM
DEAR MOM: It depends upon how well you know the people and
how much personal information you're comfortable revealing
about your family. But I don't think you should lie because
that kind of news has a way of traveling.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
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Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box
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