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Oct. 27, 2009
MAN OF HER DREAMS NEEDS WAKE-UP CALL ON MANNERS
DEAR ABBY: I'm engaged to the man of my dreams. Our wedding
is two months away, and I couldn't be more excited about
starting my life with "Jeff."
Only one thing bothers me. When the two of us eat alone to-
gether, Jeff throws his manners out the window. He kind of
eats like a pig. He opens his mouth as wide as it will go
and takes as big a bite as he can. Then, as he's chewing
(even with his mouth closed) he makes noises. I can't get
past the noises!
I know Jeff knows better because he doesn't eat like this
when we're out with his parents or having dinner with
friends. The first time he did it I thought he was joking.
The second time, I thought he was just really hungry. Now I
realize this is the way he eats. We have known each other
two years, so we have had plenty of time to get acquainted.
How do I tell him his eating behavior gets under my skin? I
don't want any children we have to learn these habits. Jeff
has a tender heart, and I don't want to hurt his feelings.
-- LOOKING ASKANCE IN TEXAS
DEAR LOOKING: You are about two years late in telling your
fiance how his eating habits affect you. If you can't dis-
cuss something as basic as this, how are you going to dis-
cuss the challenging problems that will inevitably arise
after the two of you are married?
You said yourself that Jeff knows better. He eats this way
in front of you because he thinks you don't mind. So please
level with him now -- before the wedding. It won't hurt his
feelings; it will set him straight.
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Purse Hanger 2-pk with Bonus Pouch
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DEAR ABBY: I am 13, 5 feet 3, and weigh 90 pounds. I just
started high school. My parents think I'm starving myself.
They call me "disgusting," "horrifying," and my personal
favorite -- "ugly." My brother calls me "Skinny Bones
Jones."
I do not starve myself, nor am I anorexic or bulimic. I just
happen to get full from small portions rather quickly -- or
I may not be hungry at the moment. At night I do some quick
exercises and yoga positions so I won't feel bloated from
meals. Some of my friends have said they think I have become
anorexic.
Because of all this my self-esteem is at an all-time low. I
used to weigh more than 100 pounds, but recently I got the
stomach flu, which explains my sudden weight loss and full-
ness. Am I wrong in thinking I'm healthy? Are my family and
friends right that I'm anorexic? Please help.
-- 90-POUND GIRL IN FULLERTON, CALIF.
DEAR 90-POUND GIRL: When "everyone" starts telling us some-
thing we don't want to hear, it may be time to pay attention.
One sentence in your letter tells me that you may have an
eating disorder -- it's your comment about needing to exer-
cise after eating because you feel bloated.
You should be evaluated by a nurse at school, if there is
one, or by a physician to be sure you're getting enough
nutrients to remain healthy, that you're not overdoing the
exercise, and if there could be a physical problem causing
the feeling you're interpreting as "bloat."
Please share what I have said with your parents because it's
important. Name-calling and ridicule are not the answer to a
problem like the one you may have.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The
Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send
a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or
money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger
Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage
is included in the price.)
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write Dear Abby at
T="_new" class="abbylink">www.DearAbby.com
or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.