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March 8, 2010
MAN STOPPED KEEPING HOUSE THE MINUTE HE GOT MARRIED
DEAR ABBY: When I first met my husband of two years, "Phil,"
he owned his own home, kept it spotless and his yard neat,
prepared his own meals and did his laundry. Those qualities
made him stand out from the many spoiled "Mama's boys" I had
dated in the past.
Now that we're married it's like he has amnesia. He has
"forgotten" how to operate the washing machine, scrub a
toilet or wash a dish. He hasn't cleaned the bathroom once
since our wedding, washes only one load of laundry a week
(his own work uniforms) and performs other domestic tasks
only if I ask repeatedly. I don't enjoy nagging him.
I teach school and attend graduate school at night, so I'm
just as exhausted at the end of the day as he is, even though
his labor is more physical. I know this problem is nothing
new, but I am hoping you can offer some insight or advice.
Why do so many men feel entitled to flop on the couch every
night and expect us women to trudge through the housework
into the wee hours?
-- NOT THE MAID IN SOUTH CAROLINA
DEAR NOT THE MAID: Probably because that's what they saw
their mothers do, and whether it's conscious or not, they
consider housework to be "women's work." However, a lot has
changed over the last generation, and your mother-in-law
deserves credit for equipping her son to be independent after
he left her nest.
Because so many couples are both employed today, many hus-
bands and wives share housekeeping responsibilities. And
because you yourself are working the equivalent of two jobs,
that's what you and your husband should be doing. Of course,
that won't happen until and unless you're willing to put your
foot down and impress upon him that you married him to be
his partner -- not his maid -- and that if he wants a happy
marriage, he's going to have to pull his share of the load.
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DEAR ABBY: I'm worried about my 14-year-old granddaughter.
She's a good soccer player and frequently "heads" the soccer
ball. I think this could be harmful to her brain.
I have spoken to two coaches about it; they say I shouldn't
worry. But I saw on the Internet that chronic traumatic
brain injury has occurred in soccer and football players.
What do you think? Should I pursue this concern?
-- GRANDMA AND NURSE IN HOUSTON
DEAR GRANDMA: What do your granddaughter's parents have to
say about this? Surely, she is not participating in a team
sport without their written permission. That said, because
everything one reads on the Internet isn't necessarily
accurate, if you wish to pursue this, I'd recommend you start
by talking to a licensed medical professional.
DEAR ABBY: I have been infatuated with a co-worker for more
than a year. The problem is, he knows it and is reluctant to
become more involved because we work together. We flirt
constantly. We're good friends and talk almost daily about
things that go way beyond work.
Everyone here knows we have a thing for each other. How do I
cross over without risking our friendship? We're both single
and unattached. -- INFATUATED IN DOWNEY, CALIF.
DEAR INFATUATED: More than a few romances have started in
the workplace, if there is no company policy forbidding
fraternization, so why not ask him to join you for dinner
one evening? I can't see how that would be a risk to your
friendship. His response will tell you whether or not he's
just an office flirt who enjoys the sexual tension and pre-
fers to leave things as they are.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting
along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should
Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed
envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to:
Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL
61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write Dear Abby at
T="_new" class="abbylink">www.DearAbby.com
or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.