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Feb. 11, 2010
MAN PREFERS TO PLAY HOST INSTEAD OF BEING A GUEST
DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Kent," and I enjoy entertaining. We
often throw birthday parties for friends, as well as holiday
parties and dinners and barbecues during the summer. The
problem is, whenever we receive an invitation to attend a
gathering at someone else's home, Kent responds with, "Ask
them to come here." I think this is rude because our friends
are just reciprocating.
This issue came up twice last week. When I asked Kent why
he doesn't like to go to our friends' homes, he says he
prefers to entertain in his own house. I don't think it is
good manners to ask a host to move the party to our home.
Incidentally, when we do go, Kent always enjoys himself, so
it's not social anxiety, and he's definitely not shy. Would
you tell me if I'm making too much of this?
-- EMBARRASSED IN ALASKA
DEAR EMBARRASSED: I don't think so. While your husband's
impulse to host the party might seem generous the first few
times the offer is extended -- after a while the burden of
gratitude can hang heavy and destroy friendships. That's why
it is important for people to be able to reciprocate -- and
for others to allow them to.
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DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a man for four years. I told
him I am ready to end our relationship if he isn't ready to
get married within the next year.
Two months ago, he gave me a beautiful 2 1/2-carat diamond
ring and announced to family and friends that we are en-
gaged. He has not discussed any wedding plans, but he says
the wedding will be within the time frame I am asking for.
I went to a jeweler today to have the band on my ring en-
larged a bit and was told that my stone is not a real
diamond. Abby, this man owns his own business and is
wealthy! He spends thousands on golf trips every year and
just spent a great deal of money on high-end house furnish-
ings.
My head is spinning. I am embarrassed to tell anyone of this
fraud. What is your take on this? Do I confront him? Am I
fooling myself thinking that this man truly wants to marry
me?
-- DUMBFOUNDED OR JUST DUMB? IN FLORIDA
DEAR DUMBFOUNDED: My "take" on this is that your fiance was
trying to pull a fast one. If he would behave this way about
your engagement ring, what else would he be less than honest
about in the future?
Whether you "confront" him or not depends upon how you de-
fine the word. If it were me, I'd remain calm, tell him what
I'd learned and how, listen to what he had to say and take
my cue from that.
DEAR ABBY: Please remind your readers that a nice thing to
do on Valentine's Day is to go to a veteran's hospital to
visit the veterans who are there -- especially those from
World War II, whose numbers are dwindling. The wards gener-
ally have parties going on for them. Try to attend. You'll
find a group of very appreciative people there.
-- SERVICE OFFICER,
AMERICAN LEGION POST IN MAINE
DEAR OFFICER: Thank you for a terrific suggestion. Valen-
tine's Day -- with all the marketing that goes with it -- can
be one of the most depressing days of the year for singles. A
sure way to keep the blues away is to do something nice for
someone else. What you're proposing not only fits that cate-
gory, but also provides a way to meet other generous-hearted
people. What better way to spend this coming Sunday afternoon?
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist
and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a
business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money
order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet,
P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is
included in the price.)
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write Dear Abby at
T="_new" class="abbylink">www.DearAbby.com
or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.