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May 3, 2010
MAN ADOPTS BACHELOR HABITS THE MINUTE HE GETS MARRIED
DEAR ABBY: It seems the moment we got married a year ago, my
husband promptly started gaining weight and adopting horrible
habits. He has put on more than 100 pounds. I don't want to
nag him, but the magnitude of his bad habits is making me
contemplate divorce.
If he hasn't learned things like "garbage goes into the
garbage can" or "aim for the bowl" by his age, is there any
hope? Should I let him know our marriage may be in trouble?
-- STILL A NEWLYWED IN UTAH
DEAR STILL A NEWLYWED: Are you telling me that you have sat
in silence for an entire year while witnessing major changes
in your husband's behavior since the wedding? Something may
be wrong with him, and he should be examined stem-to-stern
by a doctor. Your husband may have a serious problem, and
it follows that if he does, your marriage will, too. So for
both your sakes, speak up, schedule him for a physical and
try to remember that line you uttered regarding "in sickness
and in health."
DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Irving" for about a year. He
is intelligent, financially stable and loves me and my son.
However, over the last seven or eight months he has said some
things that have hurt me very much. For instance, he has told
me to watch what I say around his business associates, and
when he thinks I have been too loud around them, he tells me
afterward -- almost in a fatherly tone -- that I need to
keep it low key.
He isn't the most sensitive or compassionate man I have ever
met, and I find those to be important qualities in a mate.
Irving has also made comments about my weight -- specifically,
that he doesn't want me to gain any.
Some of my friends are telling me to drop him, but I have
invested a year in this guy and I hate to think it was for
nothing. He's been talking marriage, and in the beginning I
was excited. Now, I'm not so sure it's a good idea. Can you
help?
-- CAUTIOUS IN TENNESSEE
DEAR CAUTIOUS: If you're looking for a supportive mate,
Irving doesn't appear to be the man for you. To stay with
him because you have invested 12 months in the relationship
is not sufficient reason to invest still more time. Face
it, his tone may be "fatherly," but he's not your father,
and he'll always be critical.
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DEAR ABBY: We will visit my in-laws for the holidays next
December with our new baby. We stay in a hotel when we
visit because the in-laws are both chain smokers and I am
a non-smoker who is sensitive to smoke. This has created
some distance between my in-laws and me. When we have
visited in the past I resigned myself to the fact that
they will smoke through our dinners and conversations.
Now that we have a little one, I do not want my in-laws to
smoke in front of the baby. They don't visit us; we visit
them once a year. Can I ask that they not smoke in their
home while my family is visiting?
-- MICHELE IN WASHINGTON, D.C.
DEAR MICHELE: No. And even if your in-laws agreed, taking
your baby into a house in which the carpets, walls and
furniture are saturated with smoke would be counterproduc-
tive. When you visit, arrange your get-togethers at your
hotel or in the home of other relatives who are non-smokers.
Out of love for their grandchild, your in-laws should coop-
erate. If you need backup in making the request, discuss
this with your baby's pediatrician and get the facts and
statistics about how damaging first-, second- and third-hand
smoke is on a little one's respiratory system.
Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two
booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite
Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed
envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)
to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris,
IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write Dear Abby at
T="_new" class="abbylink">www.DearAbby.com
or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.