Monday, May 31, 2010
Greetings Laff Lovers,
Hopefully you're reading this Tuesday, because if you're
inside on the computer reading email on Memorial Day when
you're supposed to be outside grilling and enjoying your
friends and family then you've got some serious problems.
Helpfully,
TZ
Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in
your family at this link: mailto:tz@gophercentral.com
THROW YOUR TUPPERWARE AWAY
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My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market.
I went and looked around and couldn't find any.
So I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and said, "These
vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any
poisonous chemicals?"
"The produce guy looked at me and said, "No. You'll have to
do that yourself."
A woman was in a sex boutique shopping for vibrators when the
clerk said, "Perhaps you might be interested in this one. It's
our most realistic model."
The woman said, "You mean it's shaped exactly like a man's
penis?"
"No," the clerk replied, "I mean that after five minutes it
goes soft for the rest of the night."
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Trying to control my dry hair, I treated my scalp with olive
oil before washing it. Worried that the oil might leave an
odor, I washed my hair several times. That night when I went
to bed, I leaned over to my husband and asked, "Do I smell
like olive oil?"
"No," he said, sniffing me. "Do I smell like Popeye?"
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Three women who were friends in high school have returned to
their hometown to attend their 25th reunion and have lunch
together.
Their talk turns to their position in life, and it's clear
that they are trying to one-up each other.
The first woman says, "My husband is taking me to the French
Riviera for two weeks," and then looks at the others with a
superior demeanor.
The second woman says, "Well, my husband just bought me a new
Mercedes," and looks about with considerable pride.
The third woman says, "Well, to be perfectly honest with you,
we don't have much money and we don't have many material
possessions, but 13 canaries can stand shoulder to shoulder
on my husband's erect penis."
After a long silence, the first woman looks shame-faced and
says, "Girls, I've got a confession to make. I was just trying
to impress you. We're not really going to the French Riviera
we're going to my parent's house for two weeks."
The second woman says, "Your honesty has shamed me. To be
honest, my husband didn't buy me a Mercedes -- he bought me
a Taurus."
"Well," the third woman says, "I've got a confession to make.
Canary number 13 has to stand on one leg."
Email TZ at: mailto:tz@laffaday.com
P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the
new Laffaday forum here... http://laffaday.gophercentral.com
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*** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***
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