Monday, June 9, 2014

Greetings Laff Lovers,

What a month! Here it is, already the second week of June and I've hardly had any sex, I've hardly played any golf, my diet is shot to shit and the kids have been begging me non-stop to take them to the water park. That's exactly what I want to do...drive four hours round-trip to swim in heavily chlorinated urine.

Of course, it would give me an opportunity to scope out some MILFs.

Opportunistically,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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When my new wife complained to me about my penis being too small, I replied, "If you park a 747 in the bottom of the Grand Canyon, doesn't it seem small?"

She never said anything again.



A farmer and his wife were lying in bed one evening, she was knitting, he was reading the latest issue of Animal Husbandry. He looks up from the page and says to her, "Did you know that humans are the only species in which the female achieves orgasm?"

She looks at him wistfully, smiles, and replies, "Oh yeah? Prove it."

He frowns for a moment, then says, "O.K." He then gets up and walks out, leaving his wife with a confused look on her face. About a half an hour later he returns all tired and sweaty and proclaims, "Well, I'm sure the cow and sheep didn't, but the way that pig's always squealing, how can I tell?"



You know you're getting fat when you sit in your bathtub and the water in the toilet rises.



An Aussie goes into a gentleman's club and steps up to the bar. The bartender asks, "What will it be, sir?" The Aussie say, "I'll have a scotch and soda," and indicating a lady at the other end of the bar, he continues, "And buy that old douchbag a drink."

The bartender says, "Sir, this is a gentleman's club and our lady patrons are only referred to in gentlemanly terms. Now what will you have?"

The Aussie repeats, "I'll have a scotch and soda and I'll buy that old douchebag a drink."

The bartender, quite pissed off, says, "Sir, this is a gentleman's club and our lady patrons are only referred in complimentary terms. Now, what will you have?"

The Aussie says, "I'll have a scotch and water and buy that old douchebag a drink."

The exasperated bartender turns to the lady and says, "This gentleman would like to buy you a drink. What'll you have."

The blonde lady say, perkily, "Oh, how about a vinegar and water."