Thursday, September 22, 2011

Greetings Laff Lovers,

Lewis and I overheard one of the women in the office telling another that she was going to the gyno.

"You gals are lucky," I interjected.

"How so," they asked.

"Well, no matter how ugly you are�-and I'm not saying you're that ugly�-but no matter how ugly you are, at least twice a year you can go to a place where someone will shove a couple fingers up your snatch. Guys just don't have anything like that."

Lewis nodded in agreement. "Yes, if we are unfortunate enough to be both ugly and suffer social awkwardness we're shit out of luck."

The-grass-is-always-greener,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com



"A research company used avatars of men dancing to determine which dance attracts the most women. They're saying this research could finally lead to a cure for virginity." -Jimmy Kimmel



The wife and I were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy Sunday morning.

I said to her, "If I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff."

"Now why would you want me to do something like that?" she asked.

"I figure that you would eventually remarry and I don't want some other asshole using my stuff."

She looked at me and said: "What makes you think I'd marry another asshole?"



"In order to deal with the bad economy, every government now is trying to come up with ideas. The governor of New York wants to put a tax on massages. Yeah, the tax will be known as the unhappy ending tax." --Conan O'Brien



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Maury and Pauly were in the barn, and Pauly was relating his quandry:

"I don't know what decision I should make. I'm currently being pursued by a 23-year-old aspiring model who hasn't got a dime to her name and also by a 69-year-old widow with bazillions of dollars."

"Hmmm," said Maury. "In your place, I wouldn't hesitate a second. With your age and looks, it's obvious that you're never again in your lifetime going to get the attention of a 23-year-old, even if she is broke and only an aspiring model. What counts is youth and beauty. In your place, I'd send the old bat off and then set up housekeeping with that young beauty."

"You're right!" says Pauly. "It's just amazing how friends can see the situation so clearly and offer such good advice."

"No problem," says Maury, "but, uhhh, could you give me that widow's name and number?"